Deen wishes Usher would sing about his Cavaliers stake more often.

“3 Kings” is underwhelming as all the fucks in the world. I’m sorry. It’s beginning to feel as if I’m intentionally being douchey in regards to all things Rick Rawse, but I swear that isn’t the case. He’s just not bringing it. I ain’t hearing it. At all. I can allow for the possibility that I’m conditioned to hate his tales of fraud by default, but I already own plenty of (free) Rawse music that I enjoy (especially Teflon Don – shit was piffery), so I don’t think that’s it.

I’ll save you the time by not rehashing the failed singles again and admit that I was desperate enough to hear anything impressive from Rawse that I actually listened to his album snippets. I heard some good stuff, but I heard some meh stuff too. “3 Kings” falls into the “MEH” category.

A track featuring Jay-Z, Dr. Dre and a beat from Jake One oughta be fire by default. I was expecting an event record: the aural equivalent of a Michael Bay movie or a Gianna Michaels scene. Instead, I’m listening to this damp squib shit and wondering why Rawse couldn’t even be decent or memorable enough to make dinner suggestions. He makes a reference to “whipping chickens,” but we all know what that means. Besides, chicken is the default meal in any black home that can afford it. We all know that too (I really need to quit watching “All In The Family” reruns. SMH). Bombast sorely lacking. Just snooze bars all over the place.

Meanwhile, Dr. Dre’s ghostwriter decided to go the Lil’ Wayne “Pop That” route (“suck a nigga dick for some Trukfit” – so disrespectful) and implore us to buy his headphones so we can hear him recite lyrics he didn’t write about how rich he is. Okay. Rumor has it (I can do this kind of thing – I’m a fake journalist) that Skillz wrote this verse for Dre and I’ll say that it’s a comfortable improvement over Dre playing “Kendrick Lamar Karaoke” on “The Recipe.” It’s still utter shite though. One more verse like this and I think I’ll finally be cured of any lingering desire to ever hear Detox.

On the other hand, Jay-Z just kinda glides all over this shit at half-speed. Max B speed even (I like how Jay shouts that guy out years after he ceased being relevant just so he could hijack “wavy” – Jay is the greatest shark ever). There’s a certain humor and jack-assery to his lazy-ass delivery that just makes his verse work, even if it’s just more of the same of him telling one-percenter tales to you broke and unfathered niggas that don’t know any better (can’t you hear him sneering at you fools?) At least some of you have daughters, so you might be able to relate to the Blue Ivy lines. Personally, I really liked the imagery of Jay-Z walking into a TJ Maxx – but in 1983? That man is old as fuck.

I suppose that’s another way for our legendary rappers to embrace old age – by dating themselves while rapping like a flabby and sick Larry Holmes, instead of reminiscing and rapping like the 20 year old, Mark 1 prime version of themselves. Slander aside (and yes, I know it’s really kinda sorta libel, but fuck you), there’s still something cool about Jigga rocking a Wizards’ jersey and still shitting all over the guy that’s supposed to be the best mainstream rapper working today. Life is good.

Here’s to hoping that this shit grows on me. Pause. I really want Rawse’s album to be thoroughly listenable – at least – since we already know that we aren’t getting a classic or even excellent album this go around. Yes, I can say that 2 weeks before the release because I’ve heard 6 songs from the album; 3 shitty, 1 meh (this one) and 2 good ones (relegated to bonus track status). I’m pretty sure I’ll dig the Alchemist and Pharrell produced tracks based on THEIR reps AND the snippets I heard, but I’m hoping for way more dope than that from Rawse. It’s certainly not all bad on this track. After all, a dope Jake One beat just got another big placement – the first I recall since 50 Cent’s Curtis and Rawse’s attempt to buy his way into the Rap Gawd Elite kinda died on arrival. I’m pleased about both developments.

Previously: 

MobbDeen: The Scarce Fridge of Rick Ross

MobbDeen: Accidental Murder with Nas & Rick Ross

MobbDeen: Rick Rawse – “Touch N’ You” featuring Usher (Pause)

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