All Deen sees is dollar signs. That’s the first thing they teach you in law school.

Looky here. RiRi killed the OG version of this “Bandz” beat/GBE flow-aping shake junt anthem, but it was destined for a full on rap remix anyway. It’s only right, even if it’s redundant.

So let’s get the most interesting thing about this song outta the way. This remix features Jeezy AND Rick Rawse on the same song. Wow (yawn). I thought they were supposed to be beefing? Why the fuck are they on the same song n’shit? It’s all about the moola, huh? I’m guessing that’s part of the reason why Gibbs doesn’t fuck with Jeezy anymore. Industry “real” is a really nebulous concept, innit?

I suspect that neither rapper knew they’d be on the same song when they laid their bars. Def Jam simply made a business decision on both their behalfs and that explains the relative lack of sneak disses and Rawse’s bovine lethargy. Holy shit, that verse is garbage. So I suppose Jay-Z can rest a bit easier this weekend in the knowledge that he isn’t responsible for the most disappointing “elite” rap verse this week. That’s a good thing. I guess.

What I know for certain is that Rawse was easily the funniest nigga on this shit. His opening mini-monologue; “…sexy bitches worldwide wassup? Fuck with me, hunh…” had me laughing my tits off in this office. I suppose the most complimentary sentiment I can offer about his verse is that he doesn’t date rape anyone on this shit. Progress.

On the other hand, Jeezy kinda brought it – especially for a Rihanna remix. Potential sneak diss lines, a welcome if faulty Kendrick reference and good energy at the lead off spot. My 6th listen reveals that Juicy J may have walked away with this shit altogether – he’s talking the same shit as usual, but that delivery and innate perversion is hard to top these days. That old nigga said he’s “as high as Denzel on Flight.” Clever and that’s just one of however many awful anti-social lines he manages to pack into one verse. Memphis efficiency. T.I. is a bit of an after-thought, but someone had to bat clean up and it wasn’t gonna be Rawse. Tip still gets tons of credit for his re-purposing of Rihanna’s “still got my money” within the context of his legal travails. That’s what you call reckless charm. Or nignorance. Pick one depending on whether you prefer your reality TV from MTV or VH1.

Alright. That was a fun distraction. Might gotta hit the shake junt again this weekend. Pray for me. And my rent money…

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