Deen knows he’s not alone. 

It’s a good thing that Drake is consistent. I’ve long been of the opinion that his best song to date remains the duet with The-Dream from his first album – ‘Shut It Down‘ – which is sorta surprising since I’m not sure if I think Drake can actually sing or not. As a matter of fact, the vast majority of the Drake songs I consider “good” are all sorta duets with other dudes on some level – ‘Unforgettable’ with Jeezy and ‘Cameras’ with the heavy Jon B sample in a showing of white and beige solidarity. Maybe that’s just me. Or maybe it’s just Drake. I don’t know. Things get confusing when the best female rapper working today has infinitely better facial hair than I’ll ever have.

But enough about consistency. Leave it to Drake to drop a decent enough sequel of sorts to 2011’s summer smash “I’m On One,” with the ‘Started From The Bottom Remix’ – both good songs in my estimation – and follow the shit up with something called ‘Girls Love Beyonce’ – yet another duet with some dude. I don’t mean to cast aspersions or any fuckshit of that nature, but someone should probably consider telling Drake to sing with women more often. I’m just saying. Sure he did the shit with Rihanna, but Gil-Scott Heron was all over that shit and if Rihanna didn’t dislike Aubrey then, she probably hates him now – thanks to his hilariously childish ethering of her and her boyfriend set to the sound of Elliot Wilson’s throat expanding. Pause. Then again, it could just be that every generation gets the rappers they deserve and the self-involved/Molly-popping/tight jeans wearing set has lucked into a rapper that just really enjoys singing with dudes on the side.

But back to “Girls Love Beyonce.” Maybe some members of the peanut gallery are right and I just don’t “get hoes” or “have enough girl problems” or whatever, but I don’t really understand how any grown ass rappin ass nigga with descended testicles decides that covering a Destiny’s Child song is a good idea. My favorite rappers make “mistakes” like fucking baby moms, making shitty movies and covering EPMD songs. It’s one thing to do that bitch ass shit in concert on some “I’mma get these groupies wet long before they hit backstage” type shit, but to actually commit that shit to wax and add another male on the hook just strikes me as some ill-thought out shit. Not to mention the sappy, sassy, insincere, cynical and bitchmade sentiments being expressed here. This beige nigga wanna be Prince so bad, but to be new Prince you gotta rock dem old assless chaps now and nobody wants that to happen bro, so please quit this shit. Rick James is the role model you really need mane.

That said, the execution is immaculate. Production’s appropriately somber and doesn’t recall the source material and the vocal performances are great. But my father did his job and raised me from the womb to 18 – even beyond that – so I can’t fuck with this shit. On general principle. But Drake didn’t make this for me or niggas that were raised by good ol’ manly men. I’m sure you bitch niggas and the silly bitches that give you country will enjoy this immensely. And I don’t begrudge y’all at all.

On the bright side, it’s really nice to see the very underrated James Fauntleroy start getting some real credits. He’s been winning for years as a writer/producer type and he’s probably best known as the voice on most of the Cocaine 80s stuff, but it’s still nice to see him show up on a song for real. He’s an infinitely better singer than Drake and I’m sure he’s only really here for some vocal arranging, but he’s superfluous on this shit. Drake could have sung this shit himself. Which brings up a separate point; say what you want about Drake, but he’s pretty generous with the spotlight – even when he’s rap-sangin about “no new friends.” I respect that and I’m sure Kendrick, 2 Chainz, ASAP Rocky and The Weeknd’s bank accounts respect it even more.

But enough about this mauve shit. I have to go listen to that new Daft Punk + Pharrell + Nile Rodgers single snippet on a loop. Disco is way manlier than Destiny’s Child covers will ever be and I kinda need to make new friends soon, so I’ll leave y’all to this beige shit. Can’t wait till I’m old enough to not have to pay attention to this shit. Or more accurately, I can’t wait till I start spending enough time messing with women that don’t ever fuck with this kinda shit ever. That’ll be the fucking day…