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Deen cut someone last week who uttered the phrase, “Merry Kwanzaa.” 

The list you’re about to read isn’t in any particular order. It’s basically a list of cool music shit that happened in 2013 that I really wanted to write something more substantial than a tweet about. So just do me a solid and enjoy the muthafucka. If you’re so inclined, hit me up with your “moments” of 2013. Interaction y’all.

Oh and about the order thing? I lied. Birdman’s definitely #1.

Project Pat’s ‘Gorilla Pimp video:

For no immediately discernable reason, Project Pattuh decided to shoot a video for a 14 year-old song. Thankfully, Pat and his director didn’t get literal with the visuals. My immediate reaction to realizing that I was about to watch a video for ‘Gorilla Pimp’ was “I hope he didn’t take advantage of the internet to shoot some unnecessarily controversial shit.” For once, I was pleased by a rapper displaying some maturity. In lieu of any inappropriateness, we got Pattuh and Young Buck shopping during an interlude. Still, it was the weirdest shit ever.


Birdman on “The Language”:

I think Birdman’s entire musical existence is something of an inside joke among more relaxed rap fans. Simply put, he’s fucking terrible, but between his on-record/celebrity persona suggests that he’s some combination of brilliant, stupid, creepy, hilarious and terrifying.

Basically, he’s entertaining enough and kinda knows when to get the fuck outta way. But if you’ve listened for long enough, you’d have caught some random moments of brilliance – for instance, his contributions to “What Happened To That Boy” or his verse on Fat Joe’s “Bust At You.” He’s usually good for something cool every other year or so. This year, that moment was his brief and minimalist appearance on the end of Drake’s “The Language.”

If you’re weird like me, you consider Bird F. Man’s “verse” the highlight of the song. It took the man just 48 words, half of which were either “nigga” or repeated, to steal the song from his current cash cow. Stunt nigga…

Kid Cudi on “Guilt Trip”:

Given that we’d recently learned that Kanye and his muse during that shitty, yet enduringly influential 808s & Heartbreaks phase were parting on the business tip, Cudi’s pained and overwrought yelp during a random ass bridge on Kanye’s “Guilt Trip” (a Yeezus highlight in my book) took on multiple meanings. “If you love me so much then why’d you let me goooooooooooooooo…” A weightier moment than any of Kanye’s breathy rantings about the limits of his celebrity and opportunities.

Beyonce’s Surprise:

Listen mane, she doesn’t make music for me and she ain’t even close to being the first to drop an album unannounced (that shit kinda happens on DatPiff several times a day), but it was really nice of her to do that shit for her fans. It was a genuine surprise and it’s hard to pull that off nowadays. For that, an artist of her magnitude deserves some credit. You can miss me with the music though. Sounds like a shittier version of Janet’s Janet album.
Freddie Gibbs’ “Eastside Moonwalker”:

My favorite single of the year, bar none, was Freddie Gibbs’ “Eastside Moonwalker.” As a card carrying member of the Gibbs fanclub, I can spend all day listing Gibbs songs that are “hard as fuck,” but this shit might be at the top of the list. And I felt that way even before he got the part where he called his old associate, Jeezy, a “fuckboi.” LOL. That’s just funny. I didn’t buy it when Rawse said it 4 times because Rawse lies a lot, but if Freddie is cosigning then maybe Jeezy is a fuckboi.

White Nigga Doing “The Bernie” in a Beats commercial:

Speaking of the fuckboi, he lent one of his many Cali/DJ Mustard sounding ass songs to Best Buy and Beats Audio for a commercial. Generally, this kinda mainstream appropriation irritates me, but I catch myself chuckling every time I see this white nigga doing the “Bernie'” dance in the middle of a fucking Best Buy on national TV. Some shit is just funny – like the word fuckboi.

“Control”:

I kinda gotta mention this on general principle, but as I suspected, the impact of the verse waned in the face of relevant niggas choosing not to take Kendrick on. Let’s face it, they have everything to lose and he doesn’t. It was nice of Drake to take offense though. What a biggity bitch.

Young Thug’s polite request on ‘Get The Fuck Out My Face':

I still don’t know exactly where I stand on this Young Thug fella. I appreciate the generic and humorous irony that led to his moniker. I appreciate that you can hear the Future and Weird Lil Wayne (maybe some Boosie too) influences being twisted beyond recognition. I appreciate that he’s different. I appreciate that “Danny Glover” single he dropped a few weeks ago. But most of his shit sounds awful. That said, he had a moment on Rich Homie Quan’s excellent new mixtape that combines so much random awesome that I got whiplash while laughing so hard.

Maybe I’m easily amused, but a nigga named “Thug” politely requesting “could you move please? Thanks…” while sounding like every nigga I knew in grad school that wore boat shoes without socks is some funny shit to me.

Gucci Mane’s meltdown

In retrospect, it was a cry for the help he’s getting right now, but that doesn’t make that wonderful afternoon on Twitter any less hilarious. Guwop hit niggas with that scorched earth diplomacy. And that shit gets funnier in a morbid kinda way when you remember that he’s ended at least one other human’s life.

Veteran MCs:

Rap is still parsing the awkwardness what to do with our old heads, but the big guns like Nas, Snoop and Jay seem to be navigating the times well enough. I suppose that’s to be expected given the resources at their disposal. On the other hand, lesser lights like MC Eiht and Mr. Marcelo dropped some pretty impressive music this year. I’m sure most of us ignored that shit, but it would behoove you niggas to rectify that shit. You’re missing out on some good stuff.

Sango:

Alt R&B and instrumental stuff isn’t my bread and butter, but a friend sorta put me on to this guy’s stuff. His remixes are wonderful. He stretches the cool parts out, cuts the shitty parts away and adds the most inventive drums since early Timbaland. The results vary based on the source material, but there’s no doubting his original compositions (find his album ‘North’). Sango is going to be a wealthy man someday. Probably after someone like Drake or Beyonce pilfers his work for all it’s worth.

Pimp C:

For a guy that’s been in the ground for a while, we heard an awful lot of Pimp C in 2013. If you didn’t enjoy him every single time you heard him, whether opening Jay-Z’s ‘FuckwithmeyouknoIgotit’ or on Juicy J’s ‘Show Out Remix’/’Smokin Rollin’, then you’re probably a fuckboi that eats porkchops without your hands.

Vince Staples:

He’s not quite THERE yet, but Vince’s show-stealing verses on Earl Sweatshirt’s excellent album got folks paying attention. I’m hoping he gets there eventually. He’s certainly talented enough – go look him up on DatPiff or LiveMixtapes if you think I’m chatting bullshit.