drake

MobbDeen has survived the Madden cover curse

That awkward moment when you realize that you’re POTW’s resident Drake expert. SMH. My father was waaaay too dark for this to be my portion in life. Damn shame. But on to the matter at hand.

So those of you that care about rap and remain capable of staying up beyond 10:30 pm have probably heard Drake’s latest effort, “Draft Day.” I’ll go ahead and get it outta the way: I fux wit it. It’s dope – sorta. I just wish I could remember where I’d heard that sample before – feel free to flex your knowledge in the comments or on twitter after you read this.

Anyway, Boi-1da’s production is typically interesting enough for me to offer zero qualms and beat selection had always been one of the Beige Gawd’s strengths. I guess it’s too bad that I won’t just admit to being a Drake fan – I coulda gotten some royalty dough since the production is credited to ‘Boi-1da and the fans’. Y’all fans lemme know how that works out. Maybe it’ll be just like that time you’d get twitter spam for weeks inviting you to a Drake video shoot if you mentioned the man’s name once. Those were the simple, good ol’ days.

However, Drake is the most interesting thing on display here. He really doesn’t say all that much but he’s probably more interesting on this song than he was on the entirety of his last album. At least as fa as I’m concerned, seeing that I don’t have any immediately obvious abandonment or daddy issues or whatever. Pause on ‘daddy’. Which reminds me, for those of us that still want to pretend to care, instead of reverting back to Puff Daddy as requested, we oughta start calling him Puff Diddy. Or twat. Because fuck that stupid shit.

But back to Eggshell Raps. That nigga really talking that shit. Complete with shout outs to his boys Johnny Manziel and Andrew Wiggins. And the Bay Area. And employed lawyers. And Jennifer Lawrence. And Somali parking lot attendants. OVO is global mane. Wallahi! If I went into cryogenic schleep – or jail – back in 2006 and woke – or got out – to this shit today, I’d wonder why The Game sounded like such a pussy all of a sudden. I mean, this soft ass boy managed to include a shot at Rolling Stone in the form of that movie audio attached to the end of the song. C’mon dawg. Ain’t as if they decided to make Phillip Seymour Hoffman OD on purpose. Get over it already.

And while I’m still in a complimentary mood, I like how Taupe Lord decided to take a shot at Chance the Rapper then undercut said shot by placing ‘no offense’ in its proximity like some sorta polite Canadian assclown. That’s grade F level trolling. But if I’m being completely honest, I loved that shit because Chance the Rapper is a terrible stage name and I think his music is terrible for he most part. He’s like Young Thug for those of you that think you’re better than me. Newsflash: you not. And Chance is ass.

But that raises the following question: why won’t Drake Putin take on anyone his own size? I mean, you have a standing invitation to say Kendrick’s name and really set off some cool rap shit, sans Somali parking attendant dagger assaults, and you keep ducking like a bitch and sending anonymous shots at whoever. Maybe the 3 or 4 bars before the Chance namedrop could be interpreted as shots at Kendrick but I ain’t clever enough to parse that shit out. Blame the white man’s books. Nigga, you’re in a position of power! Bully a muthafucka already.

Then again, Sprite’s been getting a helluva lotta mileage outta that old ass Drake commercial and given the number of niggas that have their hands in his record company contract, that might be his largest revenue stream. After all, he notes on this song that the Somalis gotta chill because he doesn’t want to scare Sprite off like DeSean Jackson ‘scared’ off the Philadelphia Eagles. So I get it. Mansions & multi-function shower heads to purchase.

I’ll give him this though: that quip near the end where he says he’ll let the beat ride out so fuck niggas can loop that shit and tell lies over it is the most hilarious rap shit I’ve heard since Gibbs called Snowman Loc all kindsa rude shit on ‘Real’. Credit due for that. And no credi due to me because imma go ahead and admit that I only wrote so much about this simple ass song so that I could stall until I placed the obvious Lauryn Hill sample. Fuck, I’m old…