Alternative Facts: An Injustice Everywhere

Israel Daramola attempts to take stock of the week in politics and culture.
By    May 16, 2017

Israel Daramola is starring in the upcoming feature film Baywatch.

[Ed.- The country seems to be disintegrating at a remarkable pace. Every day brings a fresh deluge of horror. In Alternative Facts, Israel Daramola pauses for a second to look back and take stock of the previous week to ten days. There’s danger in retreating into a shell and letting it wash over you; it’s important to catalogue each new, impossible wrong.]

Watergate has been on the lips of everyone who noticed how President Cheeto disposed of FBI director James Comey, the man currently investigating Russia’s meddling in a US election, and its possible collusion with the winner. The Watergate comparisons refer to the “Saturday Night Massacre,” when Nixon fired the special prosecutor in the case that would eventually bring him down. The audaciousness of this administration isn’t surprising–they’re more or less confirming what we already know — that everyone is guilty.

James Comey is far from a sympathetic figure: he more or less cost Hillary Clinton the election, after all. He is however, fair. He planned a full investigation into Russian interference and for that reason alone, he had to go. To make matters worse, #YallsPresident said this:

He was so excited to let Comey know he had dirt on him doggie that he doesn’t even realize he just admitted to possible illegal surveillance. I swear to god incompetence is the only thing saving us from a totalitarian regime right now. These fucking idiots will literally fall over themselves to say or do something stupid. With Comey fired, the investigation doesn’t just go away, but you can rest assured that another stooge will be given the Director job in order to make Trump and the boys look better. Maybe Jared Kushner can do that one, too! He doesn’t have enough jobs, frankly. As for Comey, he has said he would be willing to testify before the Senate Intelligence Committee about why he was fired–but only if he could do so publicly. Sounds like somebody is amped to EXPOSE.

In Other News:

Speaking of incompetence being a saving grace, there’s a new healthcare bill that is gross and evil to the point of self-parody. The AHCA feels created purely for the purpose of making rich people richer and letting everyone else fend for themselves. Most of the people who voted for it didn’t even read it, they just said yes to “have something out there”. And while the bill is more than likely dead on arrival in the upper chamber, it’s hard to imagine the Senate will craft a much more improved version. I’m not blowing minds by telling you that your government representatives don’t give a fuck about you, but good lord. This is evil at its most blatant, and the only saving grace is that this is a house and senate full of loud idiots who probably can’t get half the evil shit they wanna do off the ground in the first place. Thank god for incompetence.

GET OUT OF THE BUSHES SEAN

This is a genuine question: what the fuck is wrong with all of you?

I thought we learned a lesson from Trump’s presidential victory. The lesson being that we allowed a buffoon to be president because we all took him for a joke and expected better out of America. Well now we know that America doesn’t deserve your high expectations and we should be taking the steps to not let this happen again. But then I see that The Rock has considered a presidential run and everyone is laughing and having a good time as though that is not an idiotic idea.

Beyond the fact that The Rock is just a movie star and not a politician, none of you actually know his real politics. Is this what the future holds for us? Where being president is an influencer gig, like selling tea, being a Spotify DJ, or advertising horrendous music festivals that are actually refugee camps in disguise. Does nobody learn anything anymore? Are we doomed to repeat the same mistakes? I shouldn’t have to explain why you don’t want The Rock or Mark Facebookburg as your president. Especially post-Trump. It feels almost inevitable that we’re doomed to our Children of Men future where being poor is illegal and the rich live on an offshore island free from the burden of having to pay taxes. We are fucked and we continue to fuck ourselves even more.

Song of The Week:

Here’s a song that sounds how being alive feels in Trump’s America.

And that’s it for me. I’m gonna go hide in the bushes next to Sean Spicer and blame myself for having a pre-existing medical condition when I should’ve pulled my health up by my bootstraps the way Jesus wanted.

It’s fine.