As promised in yesterday’s post, expect analysis in the next few days of what rappers came up big in the Internet straw poll and who got what Erick Sermon would charitably describe as “the bozack.” In the first installment, I present the 10 Greatest Rappers to not have an album make the Top 25 List and my theories why they didn’t make the cut. Also be sure to check Straight Bangin’ for his own take on the data.

10. Eminem (Highest Ranking Album: #59 Marshall Mathers LP)
“Hi My Name is….
What? my Name is….
Slim Dated.”

MP3: Eminem-“As the World Turns”

9. 2Pac (Highest Ranking Album-#57 All Eyez on Me) Reason Why 2Pac Didn’t Make the Cut: Bloggers felt like ‘Pac’s “thug life” black doo-rag didn’t go properly with his brown leather S&M vest.

MP3: 2Pac-“Picture Me Rollin”

8. Ice Cube
Why Ice Cube Didn’t Make the Cut:

MP3: Ice Cube-“No Vaseline”

7. Kool G Rap (Highest Ranking Album: #114-Wanted Dead or Alive)

Why Kool G Rap Didn’t Make Cut: Anti-fur sentiment started by Brooklyn Vegan penetrates into the hip-hop blog community. G Rap refuses to renounce penchant for the skin of dead animals, suffers the painful consequences.

MP3: Kool G Rap-“Road to the Riches”

6. MF Doom (Highest Ranking Album #43 Madvillain)
Why MF Doom Didn’t Make the Cut: Metal face nickname brings back painful Junior High memories for blogger community.

MP3: Madvillain-“Accordian”

5. Big Daddy Kane (Highest Ranking Album: #35- “Long Live the Kane”)

Why BDK Didn’t Make the Cut: No one gives Big Daddy Kane the memo that girls don’t actually read Playgirl. Nude appearance makes notorious ladies man and Madonna paramour Kane, the first rapper to be penalized for having too much street cred.

MP3: Big Daddy Kane-“Ain’t No Half Steppin‘”

4. Big Punisher (Highest Ranking Album: #49-Capital Punishment)
Why Pun Didn’t Make the Cut: While playing their copy of Capital Punishment, several bloggers attempt to do research in an effort to narrow down their list. Sadly, they stumble across the above picture, which just so happens to coincide with a listening of “I’m not a Playa.” Forced to confront the prospect of the 900-lb. Big Pun “not being a player [but] just fucking a lot,” coupled with the picture of him holding a condom with a wagging tongue, causes seizures. After intensive bouts of vomiting and drooling, they never complete their ballots.

MP3: Big Pun ft. Prodigy, Inspectah Deck-“Tres Leches (Triboro Trilogy)

3. Redman- (Highest Ranking Album: #54 Whut thee Album)

Never Forget

MP3: Redman ft, Method Man-“Blow Treez”

2. Slick Rick (Highest Ranking Album: #28-“The Great Adventures of Slick Rick”)

Why Rick didn’t make the cut: Sensing impending backlash against the surely terrible, Pirates of the Caribbean III, prescient bloggers decide to boycott any and all people with eye patches.

MP3: Slick Rick-“Frozen”

1. Pharoahe Monch (Highest Ranking Album: #27- Stress: The Extinction Level Agenda)
Why Pharoahe Monch Didn’t Make the Cut: Scarred by too many years of Hebrew School and Passover Sedars, the highly influential Jewish hip hop blogging community refuses to acknowledge any Pharoahe. In retaliation, Pharoahe threatens to kill their first born hard drives.

MP3: Pharoahe Monch-“Hell”

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