Last Thursday, prior to watching Dr. Dog tear the roof off the Echo, the band did something that forever earned them my eternal respect: choosing N2 Deep’s “Back to the Hotel” as their intro music. Utilizing the famous Lafeyette Afro Band/”Show ‘Em Whatcha Got” sax riff, “Back to the Hotel” beat Wreckx N’ Effect’s “Rumpshaker” “to the gate by a good six months. While it might not have been nearly as awesome as Teddy Riley & Co.’s ode to ass-shakin’, hearing “Back to the Hotel” for the first time in 15 years brought back nostalgia of dubbed tapes off the radio and grainy videos on the Box. It also brought the sad realization that one of my favorite childhood songs is actually pretty bad. Neither guy in N2Deep could rap for shit, their lyrics are Mims- sophisticated, and the video looks like it was done by a team of bored convicts in possession of a beat-up 8 mm camera.

Revelations Gleaned From Watching N2 Deep’s “Back to the Hotel” video for the first time in 15 years.

  • 98 percent of N2 Deep’s video consists of dudes mean-mugging the camera and/or driving around in a beat-up hoopty. On the one occasion that viewers are able to see one of N2 Deep’s women, she appear to resemble like A.C. Green, albeit with bigger breasts
  • I’m reasonably certain that N2 Deep’s girl troubles stemmed from the fact that they were throwing the world’s worst party. If you’re seriously trying to get some girls to go back to the hotel with you, chances are they won’t be down if all you’re doing is sipping “purple chongos” in a parking lot with 45 other dudes somewhere in Vallejo.
  • Jonny Z clearly had things more figured out than his friends in N2Deep. He got them to shout his name out in a song, plus in the song he got to have his hand up some girls mini-skirt, rendering him forever immortalized as though he were painted on a faux gangster Grecian urn.
  • Rhymes that probably should never be uttered in a rap song (Part I): “ Cause you know what I mean when I’m feelin kinda funky/ A sick honky, straight going donkey.” Unless your name is MC fucking Eeyore.
  • Rhymes that probably should never be uttered in a rap song (Part II): “And burn rubber up the block/ Back to the tele, I gotta get some new cock.” Unless, you’re talking about KFC. And even then….

  • The black sax player fake-playing the saxophone in the video did not score nearly as many credibility points as N2Deep must’ve hoped he would.
  • What kind of rapper brags about having money in his sock? Who carries money in their sock after the 7th grade?
  • N2Deep are what would have happened if Dante and Randall from Clerks tried to make a gangsta’ rap video.
  • And yet still, I kind of like it.

MP3: N2 Deep-“Back to the Hotel” (left-click)

MP3: Dr. Dog-“Ain’t It Strange”
MP3: Dr. Dog-“Worst Trip”

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