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10. In conjunction with The Knux’s performance, we will be serving fresh cappuccino’s with mocha twists.

9. Because Nico the Beast, 1/2 of Clean Guns nearly beat up the fake Spiderman on Hollywood Blvd today. While the details of the altercation remain murky, the phrase, “I will destroy you, you 38 pound bag of bones!” was heard.

8. Because Wallpaper cannot possibly be as boring as actual wallpaper. (Statement does not apply to habitual LSD users.)

7. For the sheer ironic pleasure of using the phrase, “Hell Ya,” at a night promoted by Hell Ya. You guys like irony, right. Please don’t answer that question.

6. Because The Knux’s video for “Cappuccino” reminds me of Class Act and lo and behold, today on Hollywood Blvd I saw none other than Christopher Reid, aka Kid o’ Kid N’ Play. Obviously, this is the sign (no Ace of Base.)

5. Because Wallpaper might be the hardest band in the entire country to locate via “Google Search.” However, thanks to this peculiar quirk of nomenclature, I can safely report that wallpaperbase.com is a fantastic source of military wallpaper.

4. Because I will be there. Probably drunk. Probably making all sorts of outlandish claims that may or may not include: inventing the javelin, transforming the world of traditional iron smelting, and pioneering, “the remix.”

3. Because I watched Nico the Beast and Zilla Rocca kick freestyles today that were better than 92 percent of “underground rapper’s” written material. On a side note, if any grainy footage ever surfaces of me participating in said freestyles, rest assured that it is not actually me and instead it is the work of my twin brother, Pierre, a man who moves in unsavory French circles.

2. Because the “Cappuccino Remix” that dropped yesterday might be better than the original and dare I say it, reminds me an awful lot of Southernplayalistic-era Outkast.

1. Because if you download the three songs below and don’t like at least one of them, you are probably cursed to a life of hate, pestilence and mirthlessness. On the bright side, that qualifies you for citizenship in at least four ex-Soviet republics.

Download:

MP3: The Knux-“Cappuccino Remix”
MP3: Clean Guns (as Fairmount Park Commission w/ Triple Nickels & 2ew Gun Ciz)-“The Grind”
MP3: Wallpaper-“Evrytm We Do It”

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