I don’t even know where to begin. I mean I braced myself for the weirdness, but Monday night’s Lil Wayne concert at the House of Blues may have been the most surreal show I’ve ever been to. Among the bizarre things witnessed:
- Wayne repeatedly applying lip gloss taken from his professional lip gloss girl standing behind him (see pictures of the lip gloss girl and more at Play.) There are several things that I never want to know. One of them is why Lil Wayne needs to pay someone 40,000 k a year (rough estimate) to keep his lips moist.
- Suge Knight sitting at Lil Wayne’s private table on the upstairs balcony with a young and very attractive girl grinding into his lap. Me, resisting the urge to recommend that Suge hang Lil Wayne out of a window to procure his publishing. Hey, everyone’s got to eat.
- A guest appearance from Baby, with father and son displaying a salient and palpable homo-erotic current. At times, watching Weezy Fitzgerald Baby and Birdman dance together felt like a combination of Footloose and Deliverance.
- Wayne repeatedly sipping from a white styrofoam cup on stage, presumably infuriating Al Gore for his lack of eco-friendliness. No word on whether or not the liquid in said cup was pinker than the Easter Rabbit.
- The worst guitar solo ever performed. Like making Bill S. Preston Esq. look like Eddie Van Halen bad
- A performance of “Pussy Monster,” with Wayne’s clown-red pants practically down to his knees and him writhing on the floorboards, phantom-fucking the air. In other news, it can be safely relayed that the phrase “Pussy Monster,” is not allowed to be used in a family newspaper, even if said phrase is referring to a song title. This is probably a good thing.
- Wayne walking off the stage wearing a white robe with the words “Best Rapper Alive” sown onto the back, lip-synching to the sweet strains of Whitney Houston’s “I Will Always Love You.” Presumably, because “I’m Every Woman,” would’ve just been totally over the top.