November 7, 2008

Hey Mr. Indie Graphic Designer!

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Are you a six year old?

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Are you my friend and have been hand drawing all of your work for me as a personal gift?

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Or are you just a big K-Records fan who’s stuck in the tribute stage?

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Maybe you lost an eye in a frappuccino related mishap and can’t draw depth anymore…

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…or your mother hit the bottle when she was pregnant and you were born this way?

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No? Seriously? None of the above?

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Then why-the-living-fuck do you persist in perpetrating this God awful trend wherein every other product aimed at my generation looks like it was scribbled up by a tard baby?

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It DOES NOT make us “closer” or give you a “connection” with the audience.

It DOES NOT make you “indie”: you’re bankrolled by some huge conglomerate.

It DOES NOT make Michael Cera’s acting any less unbearable.

It DOES NOT make me want to see your movie, buy your record or go to your God damned coffee shop.

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And a few years after Napoleon Dynamite and Garden State it doesn’t even fool arts school chicks anymore. When you can’t fool 19 year olds it’s time to switch strategies.

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I know the movie you’re promoting sucks and is a shallow attempt to eek-out a profit out of an insecure niche audience that can’t decide what it likes for itself and must constantly refer to a higher authority (blogs, not God) to know if something’s good in a “real” way or an “ironic” way, but you’re not doing yourself any favors by stealing your little nephew’s drawing off the fridge and using it in your marketing campaign. Next time consider coming up with an actual visual identity of your own: something original, eye-catching and (wait for it) well drawn. Or painted. Or photoshopped. I don’t care really. Oh and get the people you’re working for to drop this stupid teen-to-twenty-something-consumerist-but-still-sensitive-romantic-angst bullshit.

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Or the next post I write might be about indie musicians who never learned to play guitar.

Download:
MP3: Jeru the Damaja-“Divine Design”
MP3: Queens of the Stone Age-“I’m Designer”

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