November 12, 2010

Lyrics intended to be as accurate as possible, though even the most erudite can be easily mesmerized by the refulgence of Rick Ross’s beard. Interpretations necessary — for like the exquisite crustaceans that Mssr. Rozay  ritualistically devours, the true meaning of his verse only emerges when the carapace is cracked. Bawse.

 “My gun dirty/my brick clean/ I’m riding dirty/My Dick clean.”

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Shortly after leaving his position in the Dade County correctional facility system, Ross devoted several years of his life to his first love: professional basketball. Though not known for his agility, Ross had a stellar outside hook shot and was a master of the pump fake. He was also known for his tenacious hustling. Understandably, this made him a coach’s favorite, which ultimately led to him accepting a position as the procurer of Dick Versace’s powdered wigs. Shortly thereafter, Ross proved his mettle and convinced the former Indian Pacers coach to start smuggling cocaine in his hairpiece. This worked until Wayman Tisdale discovered the scheme and start using the “clean bricks” to get jazzy. True to form, the straight-edged Versace refused to touch the White Indianapolis Speedway and was thus “a clean Dick.”

She talk dirty, but her mouth clean/Bitch, I’m MC hammer.. I’m about cream/got 30 cars, whole lot of dancers/I take them everywhere.. I’m MC Hammer.”

The first part is a subliminal attack at Rick Ross’s ex, Tia. One of Ricky’s biggest complaints about their union was that she talked dirty, but also kept her mouth dirty. Ever scrupulous about oral hygiene (his father was the West Palm Beach dentist Richard Ross Sr.), Ross insisted that she floss at least once daily. She refused. Rick Ross’s new girlfriend flosses. And he wants to make Tia extraordinarily jealous.

His hero worship of MC Hammer has been a major part of his life since an early 90s ayahuasca ritual involving a teenaged Ross, DJ Khaled (then known as Kyle), and the short-lived Saturday morning cartoon “Hammer Man.”  Visualizing extraordinary pairs of magical Louis Vuitton shoes, zubaz pants made out of the finest Cuban polyester, and tons of Maybach’s, Ross trying to get every kid in school to call Hammerman. Instead, the cruel children called him Husky Billy, Chubs McElroy, or occasionally, Gramps. The reference to “lots of cream” refers to Rick Ross’ favorite brunch: strawberries & cream with three quarts of Fresca.

“Started selling dough, I’m too legit to quit. When its hammer time, I’m pulling out the stick.”

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“Pulling out the stick,” refers to Ross’s occasional need for an Irish walking stick following a substantial meal of mollusks. It also refers to his philanthropic efforts for the Walking Stick Foundation a “non-profit, tax-exempt educational organization dedicated to the restoration and preservation of aboriginal and Jewish spirituality.” Ross went to Hebrew school with the Rabbi. And Shyne.

“I’m at the car lot, I’m going broke. I pay for 5, they find a couple more. I take them home, like I do my hoes. I dress them up, I buy them clothes.”

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This is a reference to Rick Ross’s fur covered Audi.

“Glass slippers, I gas hoes/Now she’s acting brand new on you assholes.”

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Kanye once told Rick Ross about a girl he gave a glass slipper too. The incident is pictured above — at least, this is how Rick Ross pictures it. Kanye was actually referring to an illicit sex act only performing in rural areas of the Chilean archipelago involving glass blowers and more glass blowers.

“Limousines, I did that, two door coops boy I live that. My top back, I’m circumcised.”

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This comes as little surprise. According to the latest United States census, 97.3 percentage of people named Rick Ross are circumcised and refuse to pay for valet parking.

“She thinking frolic, I’m thinking wing stop, feening lemon pepper, I got my thing cocked.”

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There are few things Rick Ross likes better than aviation-themed chicken wings endorsed by former football legend, Troy Aikman. The two of them were introduced to each other by Dick Versace, at a NASCAR Rally. In addition, to the “lemon pepper” flavor of wings, Ross also enjoys his chicken flavored by garlic parmesan, Hawaiian, and shredded $530,000 bills.

“Black bat mobile, its only new Ferrari/Its called scaglietti/one button like a Atari”

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Ross is making a direct reference to the Batmobile, the car typically driven by Batman. Rick Ross’s favorite Batman film is 1997’s Batman & Robin, which he found the most realistic and philosophical. He also really respects Chris O’ Donnell’s work. The reference to Atari is believed by most scholars to be a reference to the Atari video game, Crystal Castles, in which people sought “big bucks from a bear.” There is no bear with more bucks than Rick Ross. Not even Richard Hatch.

“I’m just advising, my profit is rising/N–a buying stocks any n–a like a Verizon.”

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Rick Ross is pretty excited about the Verizon iPhone. Torch from Triple C’s advises him to get a Droid, but Ross refuses to listen. He likes any technology company named after a food — which was why he bought a Blackberry in the first place. But Ross learned his lesson. Never again will he go shopping for cell phones at farmer’s markets.

Send any corrections or lyrical errors to [email protected]

Download:
MP3: Rick Ross ft. Gucci Mane-“M.C. Hammer”