July 11, 2011

Stolen by The What (Jeff Weiss, Sach O, Doc Zeus, Zilla Rocca, Douglas MartinMatt Shea, Jonah Bromwich)

Track 1: THE SUN KINGS (Versailles, Fly or Die) (Co-Produced by No I.D., Hurby “Luv Bug,” Azor, Bushwick Bill, Lou Adler, & Kanye West)

On “Monster,” Kanye tantalized and teased us with his bold images of stuffing cocks into a sarcophagi (no Horus), but nothing will prepare you for Watch for the Throne’s provocative allegory equating Jay-Z and Kanye to enlightened monarchs with Kenny Powers fros. Dissecting their own lust for absolute power, expensive bourbon, tight clothing and fur, and illustrating the parallels with the story of the Sun King, we finally understand the connection between hip-hop and AP European History. With a hook supplied by Frank Ocean, Beyonce, Fergie,  Smirko Rastokolski from System of a Down and Richard Wingo from Jagged Edge, Jay and Kanye flow over a sample of “There’s a Place in France Where the Naked Ladies Dance.”

Come for the metaphors comparing Amber Rose to Marie Antoinette, stay for the word guillotining where Jay talks about how he runs base like “Robespierre” and how life is really like a richly upholstered Rococo lounge chair. While Kanye mentions that he owns an actual silk stocking owned by Louis Bourbon’s mistress’ lady-in-waiting. He dyed it the color of an easter egg and wears it as a condom when he’s “trying to bone/four hos from Lyons.”

Don’t miss the outro, where Kanye offers tips on the best spots to cop Napoleons and eclairs in the Left Bank.

Track 2: Reservoir Dogs Part Deux (Da Sequel) [Feat. J. Cole, Memphis Bleek, Lady Sovereign, Samantha Ronson & Aztek Escobar]

Billed as THE definitive Rocafella reunion for the album, Jay and Kanye update this classic Hard Knock Life-era track with co-production from Lex Luger and Aqua and guest verses from such luminary Rocafella alumi as J.Cole, Memphis Bleek, Lady Sovereign, Samantha Ronson and Aztek Escobar. The song is 37 minutes long of which fifteen are dedicated to Kanye vamping on the piccolo. It segues into a dueling banjo sequence between himself and an uncredited Neil Young.

Lyrically, Jay and Kanye don’t even bother to lay verses to the song instead choosing to randomly interject various taunts and subliminals throughout the song directed at Beanie Sigel, Dame Dash and the State Property gang. After Sovereign’s verse, there is a extended sequence where Kanye starts reading the lyrics to Bean’s “What You Talkin’ About (Average Cat)” in a morose deadpan while Jay uncontrollably laughs and begs him to stop for fear of pissing himself. At one point, Jay feigns like he’s about to introduce a Freeway verse only to yell out at “PSYCH!” and have Samantha Ronson drop 64 consecutive bars about her failed relationship with Lindsay Lohan. Her verse is suprisingly competent.

Track 3: Fancy Things (featuring Drake)

Produced by Kanye himself, “Fancy Things” samples Animal Collective’s 2009 single “My Girls” and features all three rappers at their most romantic. Kanye leads off, making veiled references to Amber Rose, his new mansion in Bratislava, and a falling out with a Marc Jacobs designer over whether obsidian or midnight is a better shade of black. He also manages the impressive feat of rhyming “Nautica” with “bought it for”. Drake leads off his verse by chanting, “Oh, you fancy, huh?” over the hook, and then paints a vignette about joining a millionaire matchmaking site and lamenting the four horrible dates he had, where each girl sitting across the table from him was curious about his bank account, his stardom, and his investor profile.

He ends the verse by saying, “I just want a rich girl who’s not interested in the money a nigga makes.” In the final verse, Jay-Z finds himself in rare form, spitting tightly-wound, multisyllabic verses about the difference between IKEA and Crate & Barrel, going salmon fishing with Philip Anschutz, and he and Beyonce’s china collection, made completely out of 24K gold and elephant tusks. Animal Collective’s Avey Tare and Panda Bear were invited to the studio to contribute 76 additional layers of vocals. Avey Tare’s contributions were not used.

Track 4: Epcot Center
produced by Kanye, Mike Dean, La Roux, Lex Luger, Swizz Beatz, JR Rotem, Ryan Leslie, Devo Springsteen, and Daft Punk
sample: “Fantasia”

Intro by DJ Khaled, who opens up the gates to the Magic Kingdom for the throne bearers.

Jay-Z compares himself to Walt Disney by building an empire on making cartoons of other rappers while hustling clothes, movies, and entertainment. Consequently, Jay points out the racist aspects of the old Disney cartoons and how no prominent Disney characters are black. This shows people like Oprah that Jay-Z is not only rich but intelligent, rap is also poetry, and successful moguls see through strategies employed by other moguls who have exploited people for wealth.

Kanye talks about being iced out like Walt Disney when he dies, how bitches call his dick Captain EO (they see it in 3D), begging his mom to take him on Space Mountain when he was a kid and now on his birthday, he lands a helicopter on top of the Epcot Center to stunt for the fuck of it.

The hook is a screwed and chopped clip of Redman saying “EP-COT CEN-TAH” from “How High Part 2” (‘bitch one of my balls bigger than the Epcot Center). Kanye says “Bitch meet me at the (EP-COT CEN-TAH), shining on you hoes like the (EP-COT CEN-TAH), on my Mickey shit, your girl be on that hickey shit, smoking that sticky shit, iced out, Walt Disney bitch!”

Track 5: Living So Georgian [feat. Alicia Keys]

A tribute to the hopefully-soon-to-be-millionaire playground that is the former Soviet state, ‘Living So Georgian’ has Yeezy and Jay battling each other much like Georgia vs. Russia, or Georgia vs. the separatists, or something. The stars take time to prop their new Georgian investment bank, ‘$ee$ee взаимного доверия’, where the first 100 customers to open an account will receive a diamond encrusted edition of GQ Magazine. Features a multi-million dollar video, with Alicia Keys on piano in the back of a monster truck crushing a line of tanks and singing the hook about being free to be herself in Georgia, which could mean being free to be a lesbian, or free to not be accused of being a lesbian. Who knows.

Vid also features Beyonce riding a submarine in nothing but one of those fuzzy Georgian hats with a red star on it. Saucy. Samples Woody Allen, who is currently in the country making a film with Sasha Grey (Allen’s working relationship with Scarlett Johansson ended after a concerned Ryan Reynolds threatened to rip his arms off). Reports that West throughout the song’s production thought he was in the state Georgia and not the country have not been confirmed.

Track 6: Hate, Hate, Hate, Hate, Hate (feat. Charlie Murphy)

The most conceptually heavy song on the album. In each of the three verses Jay and Ye’ revisit particular episodes of Everybody Loves Raymond, in which Jay is Ray Romano, and Kanye, getting really into the part, revisits his “Through the Wire” flow in an attempt to make himself sound more like Ray’s big dumb brother. It doesn’t work. Charlie Murphy guests as every female in the show, and also sings the hook, which is just him hating on the other two rappers, in vintage Boss Hog fashion. He also yells the word hate at random intervals throughout the song. At the end of the third verse Kanye breaks down and starts sobbing, citing a lack of proper studio feng shue as the key to all sadness while Jay awkwardly ad-libs and shouts out the engineers. The beat sounds like chipmunk soul but eventuallly you realize it’s just a sped up version of the Sesame street theme song.

Track 7. We Are Young (I can’t Stop) ft Beyonce

Produced by Swizz Beats, Sampling Flux Pavilion. Over an abbrassive Tweenwave beat composed entirely of fart noises and processed screeches of Beyonce during her period, Jay and Kanye deliver a hard hitting club banger for the 16-20 year old midwestern ecstasy casualty demographic. Inspired by the superstar duo accidentally logging into 4Chan after 1 too many glasses of rosee, it addresses the concerns of the modern youth from the perspective of those who understand it most: aging millionaires. Highlights include Jay-Z shouting out “The Tumblr,” Beyonce’s bridge about Google Plus and an extended 10 minute rant where Kanye West answers formspring questions over a wobbling bassline. All brands mentioned in the song will be providing extensive cross-media promotion for the Watch the Throne album including banner adds and…banner adds.

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