July 18, 2011

With Hip-Hop’s color barrier long since broken down by everyone from grill-rocking Houstonians to lyrically lyrical nerds and Chester French, rebelious white kids have yearned for the next form of Black music to stea-…embrace. Jamaican Bashment (Dancehall) is currently in the midst of yet another boom period and with Dubstep turning on a generation of kids to the thrill of a ragga bass line, it might feel like an opportune time to jump on the bandwagon before the train leaves the station. But be forewarned, while you can now get by in Hip-Hop draped in all-GAP-everything, the world of Jamaican music is a fair bit more exclusive. Follow these handy tips from originoo-badman Son Raw however and you’ll be cutting up dubplates in no time. Seen.

  1. If you have to adopt a mock accent, go with British music nerd, not rudebwoy. Ja-fakin’ is never cool unless you’re David Roddigan.
  2. Refrain from dropping any Major Lazer. Still can’t stand that record.
  3. When faced with a skeptical crowd, the Lonely Island’s Jah Trent is a great ice-breaker.
  4. Avoid confusing Gappy Ranks, Shabba Ranks, roots classic “Uptown Rankin” and Austrian analyst Otto Rank.
  5. If working part time at a video shop, practice your chat by asking clients to “REWIND SELECTA!”
  6. Be aware: Jeff Weiss will request, nay DEMAND Ini Kamoze’s “Here Comes the Hotstepper.”
  7. You won’t ever be as cool as Sicilian Deejay and certified dread Alborosie. Ever. So don’t try.
  8. There’s no such thing as too many air horns.
  9. If someone asks you to get down in a rub-a-dub-stylee, be sure to check your arm pits in case they were referring to your B.O.
  10. Unless you’re playing a Bar Mitzvah, Sean Paul’s “Gimme di Light” won’t cut it, soundbwoy.

Download:
MP3: Vybz Kartel – Summer Time