August 2, 2011

Image via Chad Trutt

Last week, Wu-Tang commenced their search for interns who possess “excellent written communication skills, the ability to communicate with diverse audiences, interest in the music/entertainment industry, a professional demeanor, experience with social networking (i.e. Facebook, Twitter, Ning, Blogspot, etc. Well organized with attention to detail and ability to carry out tasks independently, and able to meet deadlines.”

Ever helpful, the What brain trust have compiled a guide to you get the gainful employment you always wanted. This is how to help defeat the blind, deaf, and dumb one Tweet at a time. Remember Wu Tang is forever, or at least until the semester is over — Hatched by Disco Vietnam, Zilla Rocca, Alex Pivevsky, Sach O, and Jeff Weiss

So why do you think you’re a good fit for this position?
I’m the bastard, the total package like Lex Luger.

What did you dislike about your previous job?
I remember sticking fiends at the 1-6-ooh when we was starving.

What do you think your greatest strength is?
Keep my planets in orbit, never forfeit, or quit

We’re a multi-national firm with our hands in many different industries. Do you have any experience in the agricultural industry?

Milk this cow, the best way we know how.

We’re interested in a well rounded candidate. Someone who knows how to be a team player. Did you ever play athletics?

Here’s a tennis court for your birthday.

What do you think is your biggest weakness?
Throwing ninjas off airplanes

Where do you see yourself in 5 years?
Owning approximately…EVERYTHING YOU GOT!

Where do you see yourself in 10 years?
Lounging between two pillars of ivory

How do you handle stress and pressure?
I don’t give a cotton picking fuck about a brotha trying to size a brotha up. I hold my own.

I see you didn’t mention your educational history, did you attend college?
I didn’t even need to go to summer school. I picked up the Wu-Tang double CD And I got all the education I needed this year.

What about a monthly travel stipend?
When you see me in VA, check for a ninja!

What do you think your greatest strength is?

I bomb atomically

How many years experience do you have in this field?
OOOOOOOOOONNEEEEEEEE…

What about a monthly travel stipend?
Taught y’all niggas how to rap reimburse me.

Do you have any questions for me?

Why is the sky blue? Why is water wet?

When can you start?
Immediately, if not soon.

We’d like to offer you the position. It’s an internship position, so unfortunately there is no pay.when can you start?

Cash rules, still ain’t nothing move but the money.