June 22, 2012

Max Bell still won’t co-sign Uffie.

Donnis is bad. And I don’t mean that like how Michael Jackson meant it, which is more meaningful I think. His music is made for stuck up white girls with too much money and guys who like them. Which is another way of saying it’s for the ‘hit next’ DJ at your local watering hole.

BUT, “Hello Kitty” is hilarious. When the phrase ‘What’s up with that pussy?’ is accompanied by everyone’s favorite ‘it’s ratchet’ drums, the track is usually going to be a mindless banger with vocal inflections compensating for lack of rhymes (Cough, Ms. Minaj. Cough. You should get on the remix). After listening to the whole thing, I’m glad my Miss Cleo powers are still intact.

Now, I’m sure if I brought this song to the attention of the people at Hello Kitty they might lose their shit, and call out Donnis for being marginally racist—the main featured woman in the video happens to be of some Asian persuasion.

However, were I to be in the employ of Hello Kitty, I would take this chance to up the street cred of my brand and move forward with an adult line. Get all the salacious women popping bottles to this song, one of which has a Wu-Tang tat on her hand (Definitely wifey material), to wear some Hello Kitty G-string or other cool undergarment that’s slipping my mind. Right?

“Hello Kitty” may be about premature ejaculating with an Asian woman (‘And you’ll have me as your desert/Cause’ I cream first’). But I’ll be damned if Donnis doesn’t sound as thrilled about it as a room full sorority girls trying really hard to back it up.

After a few shots, maybe I will be too.

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