August 7, 2012

Max Bell does not go to sleep with pictures of a Porsche on his wall.

My walls still have Michael Jordan posters all over them. John Stockton and Magic Johnson  too. Yes, I wanted to play in the NBA. No, it didn’t happen. But Danny Brown has better dreams. He goes to sleep with porn stars on his wall. Then he closes his eyes and envisions them screaming as a result of something dumb and ignorant. But if he never gets with Jada Fire or Vanessa Blue I won’t hold it against him. He can still rap his ass off. And at the very least, his dreams are more realistic.

Anyway, to the track. Yes, it’s called “Black Brad Pitt.” Yes,  it’s a banger. And yes, Danny deserves the title. Evil Nine knew exactly who he was crafting this for, even opening the track with a deep and ominous voice warbling, “Different sounds.” Like Danny, it’s left-field, with heavy bass and some keys more sinister than a Scooby Doo chase scene.

Brown’s bars are sharp and his energy is unparalleled(“Begging for the semen from the demon with no tooth/Getting head in the back seat, reflection on the moon roof”).  His misogyny is at an all time high (see previous parenthetical), but it doesn’t bother me and I’m sure all the “hoes” going down on him while he stares at his reflection in the moonroof don’t mind either.

The track ends with some trap-type shit, as Evil Nine freaks it in a way that has me envisioning a cartooned Brown getting with countless Mrs. Smith’s as he reinterprets every Brad Pitt movie. He bitch slaps Kevin Spacey in Seven X’s and then bangs Gwyneth Paltrow, he  knocks out Ed Norton and claims his title as the rap game Tyler Durden before getting freaky with Helena Bonham Carter. Then he scalps MC’s before smashing with Diane Kruger in Inglorious Bruisers.

First it was Molly Ringwald. Now it’s Brad Pitt. Pretty soon Danny will be in a theater near you. Hide your molly’s.

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