Max Bell declined a position in executive sales at Arbys.

Kreayshawn has a bunch of haters. She has a bunch of faders too. Don’t ask what it means. Kreayshawn’s in your city like the mayor, hoe. And she’s got your girl on the phone telling her that she’s wetter. Yeah, she do just what she do. So this is for all the Kreayshawn haters out there. All you bitches are her bastards:

“Like It or Love It” is an attack on the senses. It’s the perfect balance of the banal and the overwrought. The beat never stops, hammering away at your skull like the perfect migraine. That migraine you just want to hold onto for some reason. It sounds like all the great stuff you can catch on Power 106 from the hours of 12am to 12pm. Which is fucking great. Commercial radio is—if I can quote Miss Shawn—gnarly.

And Kreayshawn’s rhymes have never been so simple. Or maybe they have. Either way, her simplicity is what makes her rhymes so powerful. With gems like “Jordans on with the 808 drums / And you bitches can’t get none / I’m just so done,” it’s not hard to see why every young white girl in Oakland wants to emulate her. She’s clearly skilled in the art of synthesizing the thoughts of the blunted ratchet poser. Masterful, actually.

Then there’s Kid Cudi. He is so damn good at mumbling a bunch of non-sequiteurs that mean absolutely nothing. Like most of his music, this verse is completely hollow, devoid of any real sentiment except the quest for that Cuba Gooding Jr. quan. As someone who loathes real emotion, it’s phenomenal. How this man continues to drop bars that numb me more than…

Fuck it. That was all the satire I could conjure for this track. It’s a piece of shit. It’s fucking garbage. And after listening to it more than once, I regret the last ten minutes of my life more than any other ten minutes I’ve ever been on this planet. And I once heard a Skrillex song all the way through. Twice.

Kreayshawn should’ve stayed behind the camera and had someone else give the people on set her directions. That way only one person would be subject to her voice. And on a side-note, I’m not the only one who thinks her album cover looks like her surrounded by a bunch of alien phalluses, right? The “N” in Kreayshawn also looks like it’s squirting. I’m wetter now, aren’t you?

As far as Kid Cudi is concerned, the man is getting paid. Does that mean I should care? Fuck no. He’s softer than the character he played on How To Make It in America. And his rhymes haven’t been good since…Help me out here. Anyone? Cudder? Cudder? It’s a shame the informed listening population has no say when it comes to canceling rappers. Cudi and Kreay wouldn’t have made it to first commercial.

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