September 20, 2012

1. 0:00 Craig David, specifically, is the person that Ali G was a parody of. I have no idea how I didn’t realize this in the past, because it’s indisputable. (Not actually, but they’re so similar.)

2. 0:06 A British echo of African-American barbershop culture is incredibly entertaining.

3. 0:27 Apparently, you can see exactly how strange CD’s week was due to the length of his hair. If it isn’t freshly shorn every three days max, you have to know he’s been tripping on DMT, or hanging out with the Hangover bros, or wifeing up a honey.

4. 0:52 Strings were omnipresent in early aughts R&B.

5. 0:53 This video has nine million likes. That’s about six million more than “Fill Me In,” which I remember (and I may be wrong) being more popular in the States. If Elijah and Skilliam are any evidence, Brits have superb taste in R&B:

6. 1:31 David’s efforts to convince his barber that the honey in front of him had a “beautiful body” are charming and sincere.

7. 1:34 Here’s the first unsubtle hint of the multiverse concept! David’s lack of watch makes the beautiful honey (with the very oddly shaped face) pass him by without a second thought!

8. 2:04 Alright, his second attempt at courting the beautiful honey, also known as the “cinnamon queen” starts now.

9. 2:40 And fails once again! Wear a watch, Ali G!

10. 3:00 He can’t expect to get a good haircut if he keeps shifting in his seat like that. If I were his barber, I would be furious at this clearly lying, dancing, singing, handsome guy. His story isn’t even all that crazy.

11. 3:05 Like seriously, you’re going to lose an ear mate. And yeah, when writing about Brits, you are allowed to use the word “mate.”

12. 3:18 “Oh you BET I have the time, you beautiful honey.”

13. 3:26 Anytime I give a beautiful woman the time, she’s so grateful that she feels obliged to give me her number. Which I then enter into my cell phone. Which probably also had the time on it. SMDH. Oh, and then we do a little hand clasp before we part.

14. 3:48 The absolute best part of this video is that the entire problem in the third scenario hinges on him running out of “petrol.”

15. 3:52 It would really creep me out if I was cutting Craig David’s hair and when he wasn’t thrashing his head, he was making sexy eyes at me in the mirror.

16. 4:30 So as it turns out, it took Craig David five days just to not screw up the first date. Less impressive than it seems from the song alone. However, he has gotten so adept at this reliving days thing, that he can just step out of the scene, which is actually quite a clever little touch.

17. 5:05 It would be hilarious if he screwed up another “day”, with some sexual hijinx to bring his total to seven, but unfortunately, David wasn’t willing to put himself out there like that. Once he gets the beautiful honey into the bedroom, it’s ON.

18. 5:29 I wish I had Craig David’s barber.

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