March 6, 2013

If you are fluent in the art of the twerk and the snapchat, Deen will consider you for boodoom.

When I heard and saw pictures confirming that da Gawd Future was dating legendary Crunk & B veteran Ciara, it never actually crossed my mind that they’d be working together. That’s either because I’m really naive or really stupid. Can’t be sure of which.

So I was mildly surprised then unsurprised, over about the same amount of time it took Gucci Mane to go from Gucci Mane to “Guwop” back to Gucci Mane, when I learned that Ciara’s next single was produced by Mike Will Made It and written by Future Haughton. I immediately assumed that we’d have a confirmed smash on our hands. After all, that’s what Future Edmonds and Mike Will do these days: guaranteed hits. I didn’t even hear the shit before I started tweeting about Ciara winning and how her use of her vagina should serve as an example to lesser motivated women around the globe.

Wait. Am I even supposed to be talking about this shit? It feels kinda rude to type about the long established tradition of “fuckin for tracks” (c) Dallas Austin. Whatever, I already wrote all this shit and I can’t waste it. Besides, I fully support the practice. It’s efficient and it fosters love and we could all use a lil more love on the planet, si?

“Body Party” doesn’t really strike me as spectacular in any sense, but I can already sense that there’s going to be a rush to anoint this shit as the next shit. I appreciate the nuance and restraint that propels the song — from Future’s understated adlibs to the more sing-a-long than dance-a-long vibe. But I think it could have used a bit more bombast. At least to help hide Ciara’s middling vocals and the vapid ass lyrics. As far as newish synthy R&B songs go, I’d probably plump for that new Usher and Diplo collaboration before this, but “Body Party” isn’t bad by any means. I’m just getting my preemptive hate outta the way early.

Ciara still wins since this is most attention she’s gotten since the last time idiots tried to convince us that such a lovely lady is or was a man. So I suppose there’s that. Oh and Ciara has a man now. That’s something too, given the lonely status of black women according to Twitter and other reliable sources on the net. So step your barter game up ladies. Doing shit the “right” way is so overrated…

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