September 13, 2013

kanye-bound-2-fallonDeen fought Gucci Mane in that mall.

Ok. I’ve had enough of this bullshit. Weiss’s article about Kanye’s ‘Bound 2‘ performance on Fallon was the last fucking straw. I know we aren’t supposed to care about Yeezus anymore because it was “lukewarm” or “a dud” or “a flop” or “whack,” but guess what? I kinda liked that shit. And I’m not just trying to be contrarian here. I’m almost 30. Being a contrarian never got my dick hard and that’s not about to start being the case now. Trap Lawd. All of the following statements and sentiments are genuine as fuck.

Since ‘Yeezus’ dropped, I’ve been reading (no one has ever actually said this shit me in person) that “Bound 2” is “the best” or “one of the best songs” on the album. Read this shit SLOWLY: that statement is utterly false. Complete fucking nonsense to me.

You want to know why I think that? Well I’m glad you asked!

First, it was pretty obvious to me when I heard the song that y’all would anoint that shit. After all, it’s basically the only song on the album that recalls Kanye of days gone by n’shit. The Kanye we all supposedly pine for while claiming that each new album is some evolutionary advance in the art of rap music. You muthafuckas need to decide what the fuck you want – y’all keep pining for old Kanye, but still give him all the props in the world for anything he does. No wonder he’s doing shit you don’t like. Logic suggests that if you niggas stay on his dick while he’s doing crazy ass shit, he’ll keep doing crazy ass shit. I said all that to say this: the fact that some shit sounds familiar doesn’t mean that it’s good or better than the rest of the songs on that album. The nigga was really just throwing y’all a bone (Trap Lawd) at the end of the thing because he realized he’d taken y’all on a crazy ass ride.

Second, Uncle Charlie is awesome. We all agree on this. But the song he was singing and the song Kanye was rapping are two completely different entities. Personally, there are fewer things I find more annoying than rap songs with hook portions that sound completely different from the main beat that propels the song. “Bound 2” is one of the most egregious examples of that bullshit. Drake’s “Over” was another piece of shit song like that. Be honest with your stupid ass ears, you idiots. Kanye is rhyming over a pretty traditional sounding soul loop with the sped-up/chipmunk vocals, then when he pauses for the hook some Trent Reznor, industrial machine-synth-robot-orgy bullshit takes over and Uncle Charlie starts wailing over it. In Uncle Charlie’s defense, he does his best to overpower that bullshit and imbue that lifeless shit with some soul, but I don’t think I’ve ever heard two elements so different from each other within the same song. It would be one thing if the robot shit was a different section or movement of the song that wasn’t spliced between Kanye’s verses, but that’s not the case and together, everything is weak.

From a lyrical standpoint, Kanye’s in top form – for him at least. But he’s never and will never be the kind of MC good enough to elevate brutally atonal sounding ass bullshit with his lyrics. Yung Marble Mouf McCorny does best over fire ass beats and to his credit, he sticks to that kind of shit 97% of the time. Uncle Charlie’s really the best part of the song, but ultimately, Kanye should have gone one way or the other with “Bound 2.” That mash up approach was a lazy and shitty cop out. The only nigga capable of saving that shit would have been Future Franklin, but someone chose not to call him. Error.

Now “Blood on the Leaves” or ANY of the other songs on that shit would be better choices for the ‘best song on Yeezus title.” Actually, despite its inherent crapness, “Bound 2” might still be better than that piece of shit song with Justin Vernon and Chief Keef about being a lightweight drinker. But that’s it.

Thanks for letting me get this off my chest and by reading this shit you’ve pledged that you will not maintain any stupid ass rap opinions in the future. Thanks again and remember to stop listening to  Yeezus after track 9. And don’t you dare fucking write any comments about me “missing the point” of the song and how “Bound 2” refers to how two different songs are “bound together” or any similar sounding bullshit. Try that shit and I’ll find you and gut you like a fucking fish. Have a nice day.

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