I think I get why you hate Swizz Beatz. Maybe I don’t, but I’ll try anyway.

Is it the fact that a 17 year old figured out how to make a ton of money off the basic shitty Casio keyboards we all owned, by making alternately good and shitty beats for the last decade and a half?

Is it because he won’t shut up on the tracks he produces for others and he refuses to let his weird excuse for a solo career just die out?

Is it because he married that one light bright girl we all used to lust after before we realized she was really corny and a homewrecker to boot? I’m still fucking though. Cankles and all.

Is it because he samples the corniest and most obvious shit ever and still manages to make hits outta that shit?

Whatever, it is I’m here to inform you that you’re so wrong for despising Kaseem Dean. We all need to just shut the fuck up and let him continue to cook. Why? Well, why not?

Think about it. All Swizz has ever done is make really energetic music with an edge and with credibility based on associations. What’s wrong with that? He basically makes club/gully bangers that girls LOVE and guys can do more than tolerate. Personally, I love the vast majority of his work. Maybe that makes me a girly man. Whatever. Don’t care.

What I do care about is the consistent slander the man attracts. I don’t get it. He just seems to want everyone to be happy. Now perhaps yelling at us over cheap synths isn’t the formula for happiness, but a brief glance at Swizz’s discography would suggest otherwise. We keep fronting on this nigga, but we really love this nigga. He’s just a lighter, more credible will.I.am. Are you jealous? You know what? Let’s leave that conversation for a different day.

I’m not claiming that the man is infallible or some shit. Far from it.  He’s kinda corny at times. And shutting the fuck up never really hurt anyone. Well, that’s not entirely true, but this ain’t the time or place. But he serves his purpose in this rap shit and he does it well. Every producer has their corny and straight up wack moments, but the difference between most of them and Swizz is that Swizz isn’t ashamed at his fame whore status. He owns that shit and takes the good with the bad. He wants to be a star and an artist and he’s all in the videos, all on the records, dancin n’shit. Suge Knight may not have approved of such behavior, but whatever. Fuck that guy.

And oh yeah, he just did it. Again. I’d bet the contents of my non-existent 401K that this is a guaranteed smash. Kinda like I said about “Pop That.” What’s to hate here? White girls? Nope. Birthdays? Nope. Kill Bill Soundtrack samples? Nope. Chris Brown? Nop… oh wait. My bad on that last one. But he’s really besides the point. Swizz is so awesome and generous that he’s also contributing to the “let’s rehab Chris’ rep” movement. Or maybe it’s just a light skin nigga solidarity thing.

After all, Luda’s in the thing too – shilling that Conjure shit again. For the record, I don’t drink rapper liquor or buy rapper clothing labels. Just on principle. Fuck synergy and cross-branding. That shit is the equivalent of wearing a pro-athlete’s jersey at a sports bar while he’s banging the girl you left at home. But that’s neither here nor there.

Shitty analogies aside, this is just a fun ass song. The only thing that would make it better is replacing Chris Brown with the one true Justin, i.e., Bieber. But whatever. This’ll do too. Seriously. Luda’s line about “not knowing what beat she’s dancing too, but she’s killing it” alone is worth the price of admission. As a black man that has spent many years in exile among the whites, that shit speaks to my soul.

If you hate this song (and Swizz), you hate fun. If you hate fun (not the band, hate those fucks all you want), you aren’t patriotic. If you aren’t patriotic, you hate America. If you hate America, you’re with the terrorists. If you’re with the terrorists, you probably don’t get no pussy. If you don’t get no pussy, you not like me. If you not like me, I don’t wanna hang with you. Alternately, you might just hate light skindeded niggas and that would make you a racist and I still don’t want to hang with you because you not like me. I love everybody.

So there. Now WORK!!!

Download:
MP3: Swizz Beatz ft. Chris Brown & Ludacris (Left-Click)