tumblr_mm1q518Pdv1rqkjmno1_500Deen doesn’t speak Canadian.

Before we get into this, I’mma just go ahead and make it clear that I won’t be typing that silly moniker out like that ever again. It’s a matter of principle. I don’t know what’s going on with the Canadian educational system, but it’s shitty ettiquet to type in ALLCAPSWITHOUTSPACESLIKESOMESORTOFLOUDCUNT, so I’m going to discourage this fuckshit forthwith and just refer to this nigga as Pndoor.

I know what you’re thinking: “why not just go with Pnd or PND?” Well here’s why, you fucking cretin: “PND” is waaaaaaay too close to “PMD.” And you know who/what “PMD” is/means. And if you don’t, go fuck yourself. Or educate yourself. Or both. Either way, fuck you.

So now that we’ve gotten the administrative shit out of the way, let’s get to the man and his music. Pndoor is Drake’s first offering from his own label: OVOXOABCDEFGH. See, he figured that instead of handing freebies and hits to his competition and sharing the publishing cash, he might as well just find a clone of himself and get a bigger piece of the pie. So he found a darkskin nigga from Toronto, ripped a hole in his bottom and started with the puppet-master shit. Pause. Actually, I’m just kidding. The only darkskin nigga that would be okay with that treatment is Omar from The Wire. I amuse myself sometimes.

Anyway, Pndoor is actually kinda talented, if not that different from Drake himself. You know, Drake when he’s crooning about whatever the fuck he’s always crying about. To be fair, Pndoor is actually further towards the R&B side of things than Drake is, but he busts out the occasional bars on this 10 track project conveniently titled ‘PARTYNEXTDOOR‘. Fuck, I was hoping not to ever have to write that shit again.

I think an even more accurate description of Pndoor is that he’s a cross between Drake and erstwhile Drake companion and current traitorous fuck, The Weeknd. In fact, I think it’s a better bet that Drake decided on this course of action to cannibalize The Weeknd’s market share and obtain some small vengeance for the latter spurning the contract we’ve been led to believe Drake offered him after being partly responsible for the guy’s success to date. No new friends y’all. Just smart lawyers.

And guess what? Pndoor’s entirely more tolerable than The Weeknd to this set of ears. There’s just something about niggas singing about depressing and vaguely rapey shit while yelping like a declawed cat that doesn’t appeal to this set of ears. Pndoor just seems like a happier sort. Just as horny as the typical R&B nigga (pause), but way less rapey and druggier. After all, his moniker starts with the word ‘party’. However, I’m not entirely enamored with the autotuned or vocodered delivery that often has Pndoor sounding like a simpier Future post-elocution classes. But darkskin Drake is rocking a durag on the cover of this shit, so it’s cool. Durags are awesome.

Jokes aside, this is a fairly impressive first salvo from Pndoor. I’ll always have a bias towards young muthafuckas that have a robust and unique enough aesthetic and Pndoor kinda has that. Even if he’s a bit derivative of Drake and The Weeknd. I guess we can start describing this as the ‘Toronto Sound’ then? Chilly electronics and ambient sounds backed by slightly less than busy drums and augmented with the occasional screwed vocals and tons of altered vocals? Phew! I dunno, I’m just a bloggerist of ill-repute. Some of this self-produced stuff blends together a bit too much for me and for once in my life I’m actually happy when Drake shows up. Overall, I’m impressed.

So let’s just say I won’t be calling the cops on P… nah, that’s way too corny. Even by my standards. Go download this. I’m not championing the guy or anything like that, but if his existence means that I’ll get to hear less from The Weeknd, then I’m with it. All hail Drake – your new rap OverGawd. Unless Magna Carta Holy Grail saves us first…

Download: