Deen is not like a bird.

This post ostensibly should be about Nelly Furtado’s return — at least her English language return to the scene. But I’m going to use this as yet another excuse to ramble about Nas. After all, it’s Escobar Season again.

The amount of publicity that Nas is doing via guest appearances, interviews and music releases is almost unsettling. The cynic and shitty comedian in me immediately harkens back to the IRS and Kelis. While that shit is undoubtedly true, it’s also possible that the man just feels artistically liberated again. That’s no excuse for him not trying to fanute that Nicki Minaj video appearance into an actual fake tabloid-style relationship to promote his upcoming album. However, his female fan base seemed pissed off enough with the shitty acting he did in the video, so maybe stopping there was the right call. Personally, I would have done the US Weekly shit then asked Nicki to let me hop on the “Right By My Side” remix. Jay Electronica would have done the same shit when he was alive and making music. #RNS.

But back to Nelly Furtado’s thin voice. What the fuck has she been doing in the last six years? Was her voice always this flimsy or is it the absence of Timbaland’s electro-boogaloo bullshit that exposes her on this particular track? I’m perturbed at how faint she sounds on this shit – she really needs to stick to that sultry shit I remember. Or the hippie guitar spirit body bullshit from even earlier. I guess I like the song, but I don’t know how I feel about what she’s been doing with her voice lately. The lead single, “Big Hoops” (with production from the original Timbaland imitator, Darkchild – keep cashing those checks buddy) has her doing some loud and nasally shit that makes my dick soft too. So there’s that to consider as well. Oh and don’t get me started her Nelly’s tan or lack thereof. It really messes with the exotic vibe she used to give off. Now she’s just some pale Canadian broad tryna be sexy n’shit. Nah boo, I’mma need a little more than that to get me to not buy your new album the same way I didn’t buy your old albums.

As for Nas’ appearance, he offers yet another slight variation of the same rap James Bond shit he’s been recycling on R&B features for years. That’s not a complaint because I could care less. It’s just more publicity for the guy. Pop & R&B fans tend not to care about supreme rapperists scatting all over their shit unless said rapperist is a bit of a pop savant himself. Nas is not a pop savant. Nevertheless, it would be nice to see Nasir get a verse on someone’s CLUB/Dance single for once. He’s not so humorless that he’d dry vaginas up if that happened. No?

All these pop and R&B types always put him on the more radio friendly – or gasp – “deep and reflective album” shit instead. That’s nice, but it’s very “meh” to me at this point. This is yet another one in the long line of those songs for me and since I swore off radio a decade ago, I don’t care. For the umpteenth time, I just want to do bath salts and eat white bitches in the club while listen to my favorite rapper. So if Nelly Frutada (I know, I’m acting like I’m 5 again) and Salaam Remi aren’t willing to make that happen for me then I’ll have to call it a day and go back to this Azealia Banks EP.

So yeah, I think I wrote a bit more about Nas than Nelly Furtado, but I kept the ratio around 60:40, so let’s call that a minor victory for me in my war against excessive stanning. And to be completely clear for once, I really like this song. Yes. I like the song.

That felt weird. Pause? Ugh…

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