If there are any aspiring young rappers out there reading this, now is the time to rejoice. With his second album, Trilla, Rick Ross has proven that all you need to do to have a viable rap career is the foresight to rhyme “Ross” with “Boss.” For those keeping score, that’s two albums on Def Jam, two songs called “Boss. ” Thankfully, for those seeking clarity, the video above explains the truth definition of what it means to be “The Boss.”
Why: Man boobs are an essential part of being a Ross-like titan of industry. See the numerous close-ups of Ross rolling around in his boxers, breasts a-flopping. Wearing any sort of feminine “manssiere” or “bro” is unmanly and should be shunned. As should self-consciousness. The first rule of being a boss is being aware of your sacred duty to show the world your bossy bosom whenever the video-taped opportunity arises.
Examples of Other Ross Bosses: Frank Costanza, Newman, Your Father.
Refuse to “Make Love” Only Make “Magic”
Examples of other Ross Bosses: Magic Johnson, Magica De Spell, Harry “Pushin’ Maybach’s” Houdini
Why: It is imperative to convey a sense of authority that can convince people that Ross made a couple million last year “selling weight.” Though judging from his porcine pajama’d posterior, “weight” is the last thing Ross has been selling.
Examples of Other Ross Bosses: Fidel Castro, Winston Churchill, Suge Knight
Be Prepared to Yell Manly Catchphrases Like “No More Excuses” Into Your Phone
Why: You can’t be a boss if you aren’t prepared to shock people with your brusque forthright manners. Damnit, you’re the boss. It’s just another day in the life of a goddamned boss. Do what bosses do! You’re Fired!
Examples of Other Ross Bosses: Donald Trump, Bobby Knight (also likes “Hustlin”), You Dealing With the Dell Customer Support Hotline.
A Name Linguistically Similar to Boss
Why: How else are you going to write an album if you can’t call yourself “The Boss.” Ask Springsteen.
Examples of Other Ross Bosses: Boss Tweed, Boss Hogg, Hugo Boss, Bob Ross.
A Bushy Beard
Why: How else are you going to get the cover of The Fader?
Examples of Other Ross Bosses: Freeway, Osama Bin Laden, Old Man Winter.
Girls Willing To Tatoo The Name Ross on Their Body
Why: In case, Ross forgets his own name.
Examples of Other Ross Bossettes: Diablo Cody, The girl at the bar with the low-rise jeans and the tramp stamp, anyone at Suicidegirls.com.
Own A Fabulous Beach Cabana With Lil Wayne, Baby, DJ Khaled, T-Pain & Fat Joe
Why: So they can jump on each other’s posse cuts whenever the mood strikes. And maybe even make music if they aren’t too spent afterwards. And did I mention…. speedboats!!!!