January 8, 2009

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Sach O put his money where his mouth is and moved to a country without indie kids. He didn’t anticipate the dance-pop though.

I love Lupe Fiasco’s new band, Japanese Cartoon. I hope they blow the fuck up, take over the world and become the biggest phenomenon in music ever.

Not because I like their stuff mind you, oh God no. Yeah those demos that leaked are funny and all but do I really need to hear a Chicago rapper’s overly digital take on sub-Oasis Brit-Pop? No, I just enjoy the poetic justice involved because Japanese Cartoon is payback for every single smug, upper class, white-liberal douchebag who’s been appreciating rap “ironically” for the past few years. This is a taste of their own medicine, this is karmic, this is what’s right.

Look upon thy creation and despair hipsters for thou haft brought thy own ruin upon thyself and it bears the name Fiasco.

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I anxiously await the despondent Pitchfork news reports about Pazz and Jop naming the group’s forthcoming release Indiestar album of the year. I’m making popcorn for the angry British people complaining about the accent (sorry guys: Mick Jagger) and the hordes of black kids dressing in Abercrombie and Fitch, saying “mate” and rocking their jeans entirely too tight while laughing at it (already happening). I can’t wait for the first single to sample some obnoxiously obvious indie rock loop and for Japanese Cartoon’s adoring fans to rock out to it while completely laughing and disregarding the source material. I want the Youtube video to get millions of hits and to feature a preening Lupe going through every rock cliché in the book as if it was a completely new and novel idea and I want the viewers to think “hey, this is easy, I can do this too!” and then go off to form their own shitty bands.

30 years down the line, I want Japanese Cartoon to be remembered as the single greatest rock band of their generation, the group that brought guitar music back from the dead and bravely explored new fusions between electronic music and rock. I fully expect their greatest hit packages (in remastered, mind-implant form) to dominate virtual stores everywhere and to go quadruple Diamond in Indonesia. Their reunion shows will sell out stadiums worldwide culminating at Beijing’s Grand National Stadium, the center for all world culture. They will be music.

Well, maybe not, after all indie kids are the only ones who treat other people’s music like that. And if all that happened it’d probably get real old, really fast.

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But it’d still kind of be worth it.

Download:
MP3: Japanese Cartoon-“Army”
MP3: Japanese Cartoon-“Heirplanes”

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