April 19, 2011

Most unlikely trend to be resurrected five years too late: The Yellow Safari Hat

Pity the makers of the 2006 animated Will Ferrell film, “Curious George.” Had they released their film in 2011 and geared high-fashion yellow hats for the Coachella crowd they could have gotten that Kanye West money. At the very least, haberdashers might want to consider making hats in different colors. This was disturbingly monochrome. Don’t be mad,  Banana Republic is hiring.

The Most Likely To Get Raped by a Cossack Award: Eugene Hutz of Gogol Bordello

Gogol Bordello make a brand of bizarrely engaging gypsy punk that is a like-it-or-love-it proposition. Much could be said about frontman Eugene Hutz, who has retained his stache beyond any and all hipster trends. At this point, it has entered a rarified realm usually only occupied by 1970s Major League Baseball closers. It is weird and it probably makes him an object of suspicion at all airports, but his facial hair game remains the weekend’s best — crowd or otherwise. Though The Gaslamp Killer is most likely to win next year should he elicit a much-deserved invitation.

The “Creep” Award: The Guy Dressed up as the Heath Ledger “Joker” with chemically treated hair the color of a rotten tomato:

Dear sir, I don’t know why you dressed like this, but you scared me very much. As a helpful hint, no one above the age of seven likes people dressed as clowns.

The ‘Is There a Quidditch Stage?’ Award:

I saw at least four different people wearing wizard hats. Why? I’m not sure. This year, Goldenvoice stepped up their game and improved the food options immensely (all hail the Ruth Chris Steakhouse stand). Next year, they might want to add an eye of newt option. Considering they heat they won’t even need to cook in a cauldron.Lil B may be able to give cooking adivce.

The “Michael Crawford” Award: The Two Guys Backstage in black suits and “Phantom of the Opera” Masks

It takes a great deal of intestinal fortitude and hydration to wear a Phantom mask and dress like a Maitre’ D in the searing Coachella sun. But to keep up the gimmick all day requires a level of devotion that few possess. I assume these two masked men were performers. They looked the part — either that or they were unnaturally excited about the Scissor Sisters set later on that evening.

The “Tatonka” Award: Every Native American fetishist walking around with a headress and feathers this weekend

Fuck you, MGMT. You guys started this. Now every frat boy with a bad sunburn has to walk around trying to project the courage of Geronimo. Admittedly, Native American culture is fascinating and offers valuable lessons for a contemporary society riven with needless distractions. However, you aren’t fooling anyone with your homage: you look more like Sitting Bro.

Best T-Shirt of the Weekend: The Overweight Middle Aged Guy Wearing a “I Picked a Bad Day to Stop Sniffing Glue” shirt

Kudos to you, my good man. Kudos.

Worst Fashion Idea: Spirit Hoodies at 3:00 p.m.


I get it. A lot of us really wish that it was 1967 again, except without all those  things like not having Internet and having a National Draft. But wearing a faux fur hat when the mercury is toppling 100 degrees isn’t fashionable it’s fucking foolish. Your spirit animal is not really “the Nasty Rabbit”, it’s the three-toed sloth.

Best Sentence Uttered By a Comedy Rapper Who I may or may not have profiled in the LA Weekly:

See that Moon Bounce over there? Last night, I fucked Miss California 2006 in there on mushrooms.

Best Performance: Tame Impala

Absurdly recommended for both people in spirit hoodies and those who hate them.