An Illuminati Insider’s Guide to Jay Electronica’s “Act II: Patents of Nobility (the Turn)”

Hijacked by The What (Jeff Weiss, Son Raw, Doc Zeus, Alex Piyevski, Trey Kerby, Evan Nabavian, Jimmy Ness) 01 Real Magic [Ft. Ronald Reagan] Punctuated by samples of the late president in his later,...
By    August 1, 2012

Hijacked by The What (Jeff Weiss, Son Raw, Doc Zeus, Alex Piyevski, Trey Kerby, Evan Nabavian, Jimmy Ness)

01 Real Magic [Ft. Ronald Reagan]

Punctuated by samples of the late president in his later, more senile years, the clips still make more sense than most of Electronica’s tweets. The song answers once and for all whether Mikael Pietrus is really his evil twin. No hints.

2) New Illuminati [ft. Kanye West]

Guided by the omniscient specter of DMX, Electronica appraises the shadowy ministrations of captains of the Illuminati in a transcendental journey through history. He despondently realizes that he inadvertently joined their ranks upon the filming of his Mountain Dew Code Red commercial. Kanye ad-libs Jay’s sub-conscious. Just Blaze summons a previously unseen melancholy from Antoine’s Dodson’s Bed Intruder song. He is said to be a fool for that one.

03 Patents Of Nobility

A normal song. Lacks a hook, though.

04 Life on Mars (@FatBellyBella)

Beginning with a sample from the cinematic classic, Road Trip (Austin, Austin Massachusetts…) “Life on Mars” is a harrowing description of life in The Texan Capital when the SXSW media circus goes home. Electronica indulges his advanced-stage Baduizm by looping a recording of Erykah Badu giving birth to their son before layering the “Funky President” break and scratches by DJ Babu.

05 “Bonnie & Clyde” guest starring Serge Gainsbourg.

The story of a scarf-loving middle-aged lecher who accidentally hits a banking heiress while driving in his Maybach. He then seduces her through his poetry and tales of eating pizza on a bus in the rain. The two of them fall in love and rob banks that her father owns, all the while being coached by the ghost of Serge Gainsbourg, a Lovematic Grandpa-type spirit who whispers zany things in Jay Electronica’s ear about how bad he wants to fuck Erykah Badu now that Whitney’s gone. (Produced by Beck)

06 Dinner at Tiffanys (The Shiny Suit Theory) [ft. Charlotte Gainsbourg, Jay-Z & The-Dream]

“You guys, I have this theory about all those shiny suits people used to wear. Like, it wasn’t just that they could buy suits made out of metal or whatever, but like it was a commentary on being able to buy the metal suits. Like they’re saying, ‘We can buy these suits so we are going to buy these suits, which is why we’re wearing these suits.’ Do you know what I mean? Yeah, I’ve been smoking. Why do you ask?”

“Memories & Merlot”

In this slow-rolling pot boiler, Mr. Electronica recaps and revisots that black Thanskgiving afternoon where he feigned his own imminent and destructive drunkeness in a serious of inane and rambling messages on Twitter. Minimalist composer Phillip Glass lays a haunting bed of strings and atonal gems. The master storyteller delves in the dark recesses of the inner psychological torment behind such vacuous declarations like “lol soooooo drunk” and “Erykah is pissd i saud her mofongo tasted like cat piss. lulllllllz!!!” Co-produced entirely by the ghost of James Yancey.

08 Better in Tune with the Infinite [ft. Latonya Givens]

Basically just reading a Scientology pamphlet.

09 A Letter to Falon

A modern-day reworking of Eminem’s “Stan” in the form of slam poetry, “A Letter to Falon” explores the pain of rejection as Jay Electronica reads unanswered letter after unanswered letter to Jimmy Falon. Beginning with sheepish praise towards the talk show host and his backing band The roots, the verses become increasingly unhinged with Electronica finally declaring that he’ll “make Falon humble” in a mock Iron Sheik accent. Production by Vampire Weekend.

10 Welcome to Knightbridge ft. Sean Diddy Combs

Sampling the Rolling Stones “Playing with fire,” Diddy and Jay Electronica play “who would you fuck?” with a collection of inbred heiresses and sheik’s daughters while complaining about the lack of pashmina underwear selection at Harrods. Claiming he’s “Straight outta Brompton” Diddy delivers a blistering series of adlibs and Jay Electronica compares Rothschild Pussy to “a fine cup of tea” before the Dubstep break inexplicably turns the song into an anthem to date rape. Produced by Rusko.

11 Road to Perdition [ft. Jay-Z]
12 Rough Love [ft. Kanye West]
13 Run & Hide guest starring The Bullitts

These songs do not exist. They are figments of Jay Electronica’s imagination. They were GOING to exist but “the feeble minds of humanity are not prepared to hear the imminent manifestation of perfection without descent into madness.” Also, he claims his guests never showed up to the studio to record. When pressed for further information, Kanye claimed he had never heard of Jay Electronica while Jay-Z said he was negotiations for Blue Ivy to star in her own sitcom and could not come to the studio that day. The Bullitts do not exist.

14 Nights of the Roundtable (first draft skeleton)

Elec ingests Amazonian frog secretions in the hopes of gaining lyrical superpowers, but instead records an imaginary roundtable discussion with his some of personal idols including Rhonda Byrne, writer of “The Secret” and once and future King of New York – Papoose. Rhonda instructs Jay that if he really wants to make an album he should create a wish board with crayon, macaroni and glitter drawings of himself in a recording studio. The track remains a draft as he eagerly awaits a verse from Fonzworth Bentley.

15 10000 Lotus Flowers

After a ceremonial ingestion of 2 liters of code red mountain dew, where 2 liters represented the dual yin and yang nature of men and code red mountain dew represented the blood of human folly, the prophet Electronica doth gazed upon the infinite facets of an uncut blood diamond as they mirrored an infinity of possibilities refracted in the shiny suits of Buddhas  Accompanied by Suffi Combs he emptied his mind and plunged into the void and became one with a million blog posts and there was no longer any Jay Electronica left, just the sound of a multitude of keyboards and mouse pads clicking on a multitude of submit buttons. Thus he was reborn as not a man but as a voice of an entire Hip-Hop nation. And when that voice spoke the nation wept, for they knew not that they were def until they heard it.

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