That's-Not-My-BAE-Cover-PhotoBrad Beatson prefers “A Bay Bay.” 

Twitter has introduced promoted tweets, advertising willy-nilly all over your timeline. Sometimes though, these advertisements are golden. Like this promoted tweet by Vodafone VGE for BAE Systems Applied Intelligence. Don’t be fooled, that screenshot makes it look like I watched the video, when in fact I was daydreaming this concept throughout its 110 second running time. It’s 2014 and I can’t be bothered to research what BAE Systems Applied Intelligence actually does. No, the best possible thing to do in this instance was to imagine the best use for the service:

To make sure you don’t fuck up with your bae.

Say you’re out at a bar and a fly little honey catches your eye. Your bae need not worry, for BAE Slimer will activate and slap the shit out of your temptation. What about when you’re feelin’ all smart at the coffee shop and some Faulkner-reading babe glares at you? Not so fast! The BAE Slimer is there to say N-O. Just download the app to your smartphone and anytime you find yourself in a compromising situation, BAE Systems Applied Intelligence will actualize and make sure everything’s safe. Rest assured, your bae will be A-OK.

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R.I.P. Harold Ramis

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