October 27, 2014

Deen is fully equipped to give advice as he is a licensed attorney in the state of Texas.

Unlike the other column I said I’d try to do weekly, I actually have worthy material for what we’re simply calling ‘Ask Deen…’ No offense to the Twitter rap folks that have sent me shit in the last two weeks, but all that shit high-key trash. That’s just how I feel. I’m a busy man and you’re gonna have to inspire me to take time outta my day to write about your shit. So far? No good.

Now I’m not sure if this week’s pair of questions are as explosive as the one we started the column with last week, but I enjoyed answering these about as much as I enjoyed last week’s.

Oh and hit me up at [email protected], @Deen8 (on Twitter) or via my tumblr. What could possibly go wrong?

Let’s go:

Dear Deen,

Last night I was out with a girl and halfway through she slips into the conversation that people in the [porn] industry are tested every 4 months. Then her friend talked about a bangbus or bangbros video she was in and followed that up by asking me not to ever bring those up around her because they’re “degrading.” But that’s neither her nor there.

So here’s my question: Would you go through with it after all that? I didn’t try to hit that night. I mean, what if I go back to her apartment and she’s got cameras set up? I’m not about that.

– Dry Dick Sitting Pat… On a Tuesday.

———————–

Ay mane,

I’m not sure you really wanted to fuck that woman. I’m assuming that means you’re drowning in pussy and you aren’t pressed at all. Or it could mean that you haven’t sniffed a vagina in months. But since I want us to remain friends, I’ll go with the former.

In any event, if you really wanted to tap that, there was an easy play right in front of you: you should have brought yung gangbang back to YOUR spot. You DO have an apartment, right? If you were concerned about your privacy n’shit at her spot, then use your spot. Simple as.

As for the porn thing? I’m relatively nonplussed. I can’t tell you exactly what I’d to if I was in the same situation – the only women that try to fuck me have at least two degrees and more money than me – but I can admit that I only get tested once a year. I imagine most ‘noPorn pros get tested at least 4 times a year and last time I checked, 4 is greater than 1. Besides, I’m sure I saw condoms at CVS earlier this evening. So there’s that.

Cliffnotes: Stop being a scared pussy and fuck her right in the pussy.

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Dear Deen,

It recently came to my attention that a sort of friend’s boyfriend has been stepping out on her. I’ve seen him out and about with other women in romantic settings more than once and it seems to be common knowledge within our group of acquaintances that he’s cheating on her. I don’t have any real interest in what happens one way or the other, but it’s just so blatant that I feel the need to just put it out there for the dumb girl. What do you think?

– Sorry Nigga, I’m Tryna Come Home

———————-

Dear Snitchy the Bull,

I don’t even understand why you’re bothering me with this stupid shit. I appreciate the material, but c’mon, really? You’re really gonna ask if you should rat on a nigga you only sorta know to a bitch you only sorta know?

If you insist, here goes:

Stop snitchin’.
She’s an acquaintance.
She probably knows. You women stay smelling dicks.
You don’t know what their arrangement is. You know how I know you don’t know that shit? Because you described her as a fucking ‘acquaintance’.
Mind your business.
Stop snitchin’.
What the fuck do you have to gain from being a rat? You tryna fuck her man or some shit? If that’s the case, then by all means. Otherwise, sit your busy body ass down and find a hobby that doesn’t involve getting stitches and being an all-round cunt. Namaste ho.

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