The Truu Rap Tales of Nancy Grace

In the wake of her stunningly successful episode with 2 Chainz, Nancy Grace's producers green-lit an entire new season dedicated to rap music. We were able to obtain a sneak preview.
By    January 21, 2015

twerknancytwerkSpec scripts by Chris Daly. Art by Brad Beatson.

As many of you within the hip-hop and academic debate community already are well aware, professional bloviator Nancy Grace recently had a conversation with 2 Chainz about whether or not pot should be legalized. While Grace’s arguments seemed to hinge entirely on her apparent belief that the vast majority of people are too stupid to decide anything for themselves, the former Tity Boi comported himself more than admirably. With her handlers realizing the TV gold they’d struck, similar episodes already have been green lit. Fortunately for you, we were able to get our hands on the new televised calendar. Here are some of our favorites.

Nancy1Nancy sits down with former 2 Live Crew front man Luther Campbell for a riveting conversation to determine when asses will finally be phat enough. Things get heated when LC notices that NG has a bit of junk in her trunk herself. All is seemingly forgiven when Campbell promises to feature Grace in his next video for the soon-to-be-released, “Luke Skyywalker’s Snake Awakens.”


Nancy drills Aquaman in this one-on-one discussion on why the Atlantean monarch won’t lower the moistness of H2O. Grace flies in the corpses from the original Titanic in what amounts to an obviously planned attack. Things go from bad to worse as Aquaman begins making childish, “if my fish smelled as bad as you” type insults. Aquaman later recants and goes on to become the most successful spokesperson in the history of Massengill.


Nancy kind of phones in this one with 50 Cent, but the episode is saved in the final minutes when Nancy agrees to go on a date with Curtis James Jackson III. An obviously flustered, yet delighted, Grace accepts an invitation to the launch party for 50’s latest line of Star Wars branded headphones.


Following “leaked” videos of Nancy out-twerking Miley Cyrus and making an actress hired to look like Slave Leia cry, Nancy goes into crisis communications mode on this very special episode. Halfway through the conversation, Grace is forced to admit she “participated in an ‘adult’ dance-off which may or may not have been video taped by Vivid’s film crew.”


In a first-of-its-kind event, Nancy interviews herself over her new “jungle fever” for Fiddy. Ratings are shattered when Nancy gets into a fist fight with herself. Special cameo by Steve Wilkos takes this one to a new level. Never exactly trim, multiple callers want to know if that’s a new baby bump she’s sporting.


A noticeably preggers Nancy hosts a panel comprised of a polygamist Mormon family, DMX and the ghost of ODB to learn more about “baby mama pecking order.” Jay-Z and Kayne were invited so the show could focus more on “how to better promote your hip-hop baby,” but declined.



Nancy bids a tearful farewell to her audience as she embarks on her new endeavor, the relaunch of “Yo! MTV Raps!” Interestingly enough, Ed Lover is announced as her Fox replacement on his new, “More Things to Scare Whitey” nightly talk show. A clearly miffed Fab Five Freddy was scheduled to appear, but is cut at the last moment.

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