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This is how you do it. Be groomed by two enchanting stylists with an outstretched wingspan: Christ-like, hirsute, glorious. Ride in a spaceship, but miraculously survive its destruction. Invincibility isn’t an acquired skill. You have it or you don’t. Escape on a jet fueled fire breathing metallic goose dragon waving an American flag a la Captain America on oysters. Re-enact Waterworld with a lower budget but infinitely more gusto.

Back down Godzilla in the low post, your 90s isolation basketball triumphing over all analytical evidence, jump up with a 400 foot vertical past flying fish, reverse dunk with authority. Do splits as tectonic plates rupture. Wonderful.

Then you kiss your mother on the cheek and tell her that you love her.

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