The SoundCloud & The Fury: Vol. 1

In her new column, Haley Potiker plucks gems from the Soundcloud cesspool.
By    March 9, 2015


Haley Potiker’s main slime is the grind

I hate myself for doing this.

But here is a 9-track Soundcloud playlist followed by journalism/content. The playlist is first. And then the journalism.

See you next week.

1). Conrizzle – “Whatchohoodlike” feat. Mr. Ivory Snow

This song is first to prove I’m serious.

Now, forever, no matter what happens, the first line of the first song of the first The SoundCloud & The Fury will be “Looking for the ratchet pussy in the book club.”


“Whatchohoodlike” also includes the line “Try to make my hoe and get ya dick burned / Syrup got me moving like an inchworm,” so.

2). Ignorant Hugo – “W4NG4N” feat. OG Che$$ & Kal Two

I’d fight someone about this song. It has more infectious, youthful energy than most of the Rae Sremmurd record. I’ve listened to “W4NG4N” about 300 times; I still have no idea what they’re saying on the hook. I couldn’t care less, it doesn’t matter, don’t tell me.

3). Dr. Millionaire – “More Songs Than Pac”

This might be the best song I’ve ever found on SoundCloud, objectively.

4). Marvel Alexander – “Bitch Don’t Hit My Phone” feat. Michael Christmas

The “IDFWU” of intentionally bad SoundCloud diddies, “Bitch Don’t Hit My Phone” is Big Sean’s hit breakup anthem stripped of its meanness, which, well.

Marvel Alexander and Michael Christmas come across as two goofy kids who, while they probably aren’t getting texts from bitches who have no clothes on, would like to believe that if they were on the receiving end of said texts, they would ignore them. Just like Sean!

Despite this, Christmas and Alexander seem wholly uncomfortable with the idea of telling girls not to call them, and the end result is a fun, catchy track that doesn’t feel icky to listen to. Christmas comes across more piteous than menacing when he rhymes “Bitch don’t hit my phone / Unless you’re trying to bone / Jesus Mary Joseph Judas Yaweh and LeBron.” Alexander tries a little too hard to sound aloof as he presses for information: “You got a man now? Oh, that’s cute / He got you popping Xans now? Oh, that’s cute.”

“Bitch Don’t Hit My Phone” ends with an apology: Christmas returns to the mic after the music cuts to reassure any girls who might still be listening that he and Alexander are “just playin'” and happily available to take calls. Oh, that’s cute.

5). Jimi Tents – “Elmer Fudd” feat. Moxie Raia

The person who sent me this track was a guy who met me at the Echoplex who asked me for my email “so he could send me music.” I thought it would be his demos but it was just a bunch of SoundCloud links.

6). Sedroc – “Club 27”

Sedroc makes a pretty concerted effort to keep a morose tone, which is tough when the song opens “I hit the club like I’m the shit / I’m just a kid, I’m underage / They know I got a fake ID / Security gives me a break.”

He’s boasting but he sounds sad. His voice falters and betrays his disillusionment. The piano riff is more Charlie Brown than Chingy. He’s a young man fixated on young death. At worst, Sedroc is a little too obvious and faux-literary. He’s sitting at the coffee house with a hardcover copy of Catcher in the Rye.

The title is basic, the rhymes are thickly woven with names like Hendrix, Winehouse, Cobain, Joplin. “Club 27” could easily be cheesy, fake-deep nonsense. But somehow it doesn’t feel disingenuous when the hook repeats, “And I’ll be grateful if I only live to 27 / I’ll be grateful if I only live to 27 / I’ll be grateful if I only live to 27 / I’ll be grateful if I only live to 27 . . .” In fact, you end up rooting for Sedroc to pull out of his teenage angst, even if Holden might think you a bit phony for it.

7). ShunGu – “Homiez”

The best song I found this week in 1993.

8). SIR – “Jay-Z”

SIR’s “Jay-Z” honestly might be my favorite piece of music content. I send this track to everyone I meet pretty immediately. I feel gross, weird, and possessive about it.

9). Doof & Emcee the Chemist – “DC”

Where is my backpack I’m ready.

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