How many fittings does it take to figure out what size spacesuit you wear? Does a Matrix Cosplay shop exist at the Slauson Swap Meet? Did Taylor recommend a tailor? Was I hallucinating when Welvin Da Great wanted to collaborate with Gunplay instead of Young Buck’s #1 Karaoke partner? When did Eminem and Kendrick merge to become one giant rapping white t-shirt, Can-i-bussing over Scandinavian gloss shrugged at by Rihanna? Did Lupe Fiasco donate his dreads to the making of Kendrick’s hair? Was there a barter exchange involving skateboards and Fiji Water?
What ever happened to a bad idea or is everything made to be a Michael Bay/Hunger Games fantasy of Fighting Fucktoys? Where is the D.O.C. and is this funky enough for him? Is it sad to think about the good times or should we be very happy that all of our favorite rappers are too big to fail? Why do we critique, overrate, and anoint them as Gods just for them to eventually Wale us? What ever happened to saying no? Why didn’t Kanye do this and use the opportunity to write a “Wu Wear” song for his clothing line? Does he know that Yeezus rhymes with Adidas?
Why does every love metaphor involve battle wounds, battle scars, and scars? Why is this a Pat Benatar song?
Why is Jadakiss as hard as it gets? Did Lena Dunham throw around the word,”Vagina” on-set to make K.Dot feel uncomfortable? What is his favorite episode of Girls and does Schoolboy Q remind him of Adam? What if you aren’t hating? What if something is just irredeemably corny? Why is everyone too afraid to say when something sucks (Why does Twitter not count)? Where is the Men in Black memory eraser when I need it? Why is this so problematic?