October 2, 2013

migos-versace-video-620x420Deen is trying to give Lizzy Caplan a baby and no one can stop him.

Let’s get the obvious fault of this shit outta the way: Drake isn’t in this video. I think it’s nice enough that he completely hijacked the song while it was bubbling underground and gave it a good look with what might be one of the verses of the year. [Ed. Note] But sometimes, too much of a good thing becomes a bad thing, so I’d like to tip my hat to Migos for showing some fucking restraint.

Oops, did I say “showing some fucking restraint?” My bad. I must have been drunk when I finished that last paragraph. This video is the opposite of restraint. This is niggafied opulence. I’m going to watch this shit every night before bed so I can dream about tons of fake gold, rare animals and snowbunnies. Let’s face it folks: this video is the best thing to happen to Black people since Bill Clinton got elected president. Or since Juicy J dropped his album a little while ago. I can’t call it. Yet.

In other words, this video is fucking excellent. Methinks it’s fair to say that them taking this shit in any other direction would have been a travesty and betrayal of the confidence that We, the People, have placed in Migos over the last few months. I say “we” begrudgingly because I didn’t really grant Migos a fair shake until after Drake gave them the look. I’d heard of them because I spend my entire life on the internet and the editor here thinks they’re awesome, but I wasn’t really trying to devote any time to their bullshit. Gave their mixtape two listens and moved on with my life. After all, I’m still trying to figure out when I decided that 2 Chainz wasn’t the worst thing to happen to Black folk since the Tuskegee Experiment. I’ll have to abandon that quest in favor of analyzing how a trio of muthafuckas that sound like Gucci, Soulja Boy and Future respectively have managed to infiltrate my eardrums.

I suppose I’m really trying to say is that I appreciate what they did with this video and I like ‘Versace’ and assorted fine silks, but not gold. I also fancy white women, but not ‘Hannah Montana’ (the character or real life actress with the weird face and flat ass) but yes ‘Hannah Montana’ (the song).

Before we all go do some productive shit, I really need to let some random observations about this video loose. I won’t sleep right otherwise. Here we go:

  • So much fake jewelry. Necks all green after the shoot.
  • But this video looks amazing. Good job Gabriel Hart. What was the budget? Looks even pricier than Drake’s shit, even though I know it isn’t. Fredo Santana cameos ain’t cheap.
  • Niggas should really consider giving all this disposable income to other niggas. Donatella ain’t spending none of that money with us.
  • I’m sorry I mentioned that last point. I accidentally bumped a Talib Kweli song earlier.
  • I could be tempted to wear a silk shirt, but it would have to be a different brand. This shit so damn loud.
  • Niggas gotta do better. Stop encouraging bitches without booty meat to do things that resemble twerkin. It’s embarrassing for everyone. Fun? Yeah. But embarrassing. Ugh.
  • Can Zaytoven actually play piano? He can’t even mime that shit properly.
  • The third Migo (are we allowed to refer to these niggas in singular form) has to be sad. I hope they’re saving his publishing checks while he fights off lifers in jail.
  • What the fuck kinda cat was in that video? I feel as if I saw a cheetah and an ocelot. Cats > Dogs.
  • Opulence, dey haz eet.

Ok. I’m done. FOSATCHEE!

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