Torii MacAdams met your baby moms last night.
Post Malone ft. 1st – “What’s Up”
Someone fart in this dude’s face. Please.
A$AP Rocky- “LSD”
On “LSD,” which stands for the Madonna-worthy “Love, Sex, Dream,” Rocky claims that “I introduced her to this hippy life.” Despite my incontrovertible whiteness, I’m no great fan of hippies or their music, but I know enough to say that A$AP Rocky couldn’t be further from Joni Mitchell. Rocky would gladly pave paradise and put up a parking lot for a Rick Owens store.
Snoop Dogg ft. Pharrell, Stevie Wonder – “California Roll”
“California Roll” is unabashedly poppy, which for most rappers is a bad look, but the middle-aged Snoop has long since transcended his status as gangster rapper. “California Roll” is a spiritual antecedent to Tony! Toni! Toné!’s “It Never Rains (In Southern California)”– the on-beat gang signs in the music video have become mere garnish to largely inoffensive content.
The video for “California Roll” deserves especial kudos. The Afrofuturist, Egyptianate vision of Los Angeles is clearly influenced by Blade Runner and The Fifth Element; Snoop and Stevie Wonder cruise through pyramids in a spaceship, grooving slowly, Snoop’s receding hairline increasingly akin to Wonder’s.
Machine Gun Kelly – “A Little More”
This is a blatant grab at mainstream success through Macklemore-style moralizing and boilerplate observations. At one point, in the midst of deeply angering this writer, MGK goes so far as to say “Money controls everything we believe in!” “A Little More” would’ve been a lot more interesting had it taken an Infowars turn. Chemtrails are warping your mind! Vaccines will give your children autism! Jet fuel can’t melt steel beams! As it is, Kelly’s solution for the problems of an endlessly complex world is: “We just need a little more love.”
In the video for “A Little More,” a girl slits her wrists with a razor blade, and, as Kelly attempts to revive her, bystanders refuse to do anything but videotape her death. She probably killed herself because she listened to this mind-numbingly stupid, pandering musical miasma.
Kevin Gates – “Khaza”
Scientologists believe that every word L. Ron Hubbard wrote is to be taken as gospel. These are the ravings of lunatic cultists, and should be mocked whenever appropriate. That said, every Kevin Gates song, no matter the perceived critical quality, is part of my personal liturgy, and I urge all my readers to join Gatesology.
On “Khaza,” Gates raps “Beyonce followed me on Instagram, Jigga, watch it,” then name drops Passion of the Weiss first round pick Kodak Black. Those who haven’t deified Gates are worshipping false idols.
Tyga – “Hollywood Niggaz”
Tyga got process served at his LA Gear shoe release, tattooed his 17 year-old girlfriend’s name on his arm, and regularly throws tantrums about her not being able to enter venues despite her age being a source of widespread public knowledge/derision. Given these facts, it shouldn’t surprise listeners that the things Tyga doesn’t fuck with–the overarching theme of “Hollywood Niggaz”–are mostly picayune and inconsequential.
One of the things Tyga claims to not fuck with are bike lanes. This is why Tyga isn’t an urban planner.
The Outfit, TX ft. Maxo Kream – “Ü”
If I told you that someone named Mel was draped in a Confederate flag and drinking Wild Turkey, it’d be fair for you to assume that Mel’s relationship with rap music was confined to racial epithets. Those assumptions would be incorrect– Mel is, alongside JayHawk and Dorian, one third of Passion of the Weiss staff favorites The Outfit, TX. Joining the Dallasite trio in their firewater-sipping adventures is Maxo Kream, Houston’s foremost headband wearer and breaking and entering connoisseur. “Ü” is a cooing, cowbell-laden trip through the Lone Star State, with Maxo Kream along for the ride.
Amber London, SpaceGhostPurrp, Dough Dough Da Don – “Fuck Out My Way”
SpaceGhostPurrp could’ve been a star. He now spends his days tossing off casually misogynistic and homophobic Tweets between slinging mud at A$AP Rocky and former groupmates. “Fuck Out My Way” is a reminder that it isn’t talent SGP lacks, but stability and an ounce of tact. It’s probably not too late for Amber London, though, who rips this track.