MobbDeen has 25 lighters on his dresser.
A few nights ago, footage of Drake* doing one of Sauce Walka’s signature moves (I guess) popped up on Twitter. It didn’t make much of a dent beyond “Houston Twitter,” since Walka doesn’t have that much of a national profile, but that might be about to change given the utter vitriol and disrespect contained in this track appropriately titled “Wack 2 Wack (Drake Disstruction).” Or maybe not given the rap game’s collective full split on that beige nigga’s phallus.
“Who’s Sauce Walka?” Well, you ignorant slut, Sauce Walka is a member of Sauce Twinz, the Houston rap group. That’s all you need to know for now. Keep reading. Or go Google the nigga and come back. Or just read this article we wrote on him a few months ago. Your call.
As far as diss songs go, “Wack 2 Wack” seems to rest in the sweet spot between the alleged fact-based insults on Jay-Z’s “Takeover” and the hilarious taunts Nas countered with on “Ether.” I mean, this shit is so funny and mostly filled with agreed upon yet ignored facts, that it’s better than anything that came out of the last fixed excuse for a beef we just lived through.
I don’t even know where to start analyzing all the slander Walka laces Canada’s champion with but I’ll try anyway–by parsing my favorite line rap genius style–because I love you muthafuckas. Andale!
- “This cracka tried to call the drip a dance/he tried to steal the flavor but he can’t…” (that’s just rude from jump. Then again, I’ve always thought of Drake as a white rapper).
- “Casting call ass nigga, your whole life is fake/they call you Aubrey in the 6, they ain’t call you Drake/you been wanted to be a rapper but that shit was wack…” (it’s always good to question your adversary’s bonafides regardless of how lamely he presents himself).
- “You ain’t black, you just a Cambodian ass nigga…” (Looooool. That’s funny. I don’t care. Shouts to all the Cambodians and their fine breast milks).
- “Degrassi got cut and put your life on hold so you came to H-Town and started riding that pole (Jesus man. Lol. That’s brutal wordplay).
- “Ol’ geek ass nigga like ‘what is that, syrup?’ ” (Walka’s funnier version of Jay-Z’s “I showed you your first tec on tour with Large Professor).
- “I ain’t talkin’ about dancers, you was paying for pussy…” (Paying for pussy makes sense now that Drake* is a rich and busy man, but paying for pussy when you aren’t rich is just some lame shit. Be civilized – take her on a date).
- “Thinkin ‘I’m in H-Town, what a good feeling,’ yeah it’s cool to show love but it’s different when you stealin…” (you can slice it however you want, but Drake*’s relationship with Houston was symbiotic at best and probably more parasitic in reality. That’s well-worn ground at this point).
- “You was too busy fucking Jhoni Blaze bareskin…” (there’s a lot to unpack here and I’m just not that messy but believe me when I say that it’s pretty harsh stuff)
And that’s just the first verse. Sauce Walka then discussed more macro matters everyone seems to not care about anymore with the aid of baseball/steroid analogies and dick jokes. Serena, Madonna, and Tina Turner catch strays and Walka recounts running up on Drake* with the goons at a popular local eatery and making his weekend thoroughly uncomfortable. All in all, a pretty good diss. Meek Mill should definitely have employed Sauce Walka as his Quentin Miller.
Now in the interest of full disclosure, Sauce Walka hasn’t been a Drake* fan for the better part of 2015. Drake* supposedly reached out to the Walka and his crew about remixing their local hit “2 Legitted 2 Quitted” and apparently the remix actually exists or existed at one point. Then Drake* sat on it until the original single lost steam and that was that. Understandably, Sauce Walka wasn’t pleased and he expressed himself accordingly during Drake*’s last Houston Appreciation Weekend bullshit, noting the one-sided nature of Drake*’s relationship with Houston in the form of his negligible support for the city’s rappers. A Drake* cosign can do a lot for a music career, if not tennis grand slam aspirations, so I get it.
With that shit in mind, it makes sense that Sauce Walka hit his breaking point when the thieving ass nigga that pump-faked on a favor no one asked him for went on to Columbus a move specifically associated with the Sauce Twinz. The same way his cosigns ‘helped’ Migos, Fetty Wap, Makonnen, Lil’ Bibby, and whoever the fuck else he’s used to bolster his own credibility and commercial relevance in the last 3 years or so. Shit. Drake*’s behavior almost lends credence to Sauce Walka calling him a cracka. He’s definitely a gentrifying ass nigga. He even grew a beard. Once he brews his own craft beer (i.e., starts selling custom branded alcohol), it’ll be all too obvious. Why the fuck is he co-opting a dance from a nigga he KNOWS doesn’t like him? You may claim that no one cares and that Walka should have kept quiet but you’re still not answering the question and that’s a shame.
While I’m happy for everything to stay on wax – which it probably will since I don’t think Drake* would dare respond to this – I’m more interested in the Houston specific aspects of Sauce Walka’s taunts. Did he really run up on OVO with the shooters at Del Frisco’s? Is J. Prince gonna record another weird ass voicemail demanding that Sauce and co. lay off the Canadian King of Houston? Is Treasures Strip Club safe for Drake*? How about the kitchen at V-Live? I need to know!
What I do know for sure is that Sauce Walka dug in that boy’s chest. Deny it if you want but it’s true. This song will have absolutely no effect on anything but you gotta give Sauce Walka his props for grabbing his nuts, rapping in detail and executing well. Again, if Meek had done even half this well, he wouldn’t be recovering from getting bodied by a singing nigga. Your hero is wack in a lotta ways and I’m glad Sauce Walka told you exactly how.