Will Hagle’s 2018 year end list is already solidified.
We’re almost one month deep into the dystopian apocalypse known as 2017. You know what that means. Every album you listened to at any point during the past 12 months is irrelevant. Run The Jewels 3’s Dec. 25 release date makes it un-list-able, and therefore unlistenable. Luckily, there will be plenty of great new albums to be spun during this next spin around the sun. Here are the albums we’re most excited about in 2017.
Macklemore — FDT (MeToo)
A revolutionary album that examines what happens when 53 percent of your fans voted for Trump and you inadvertently inspired Richard Spencer’s haircut. There will be guest appearances by contrite ex-Trump supporters Mac Miller, Rae Sremmurd, and Chef “Black Trump” Raekwon. It’s sure to sweep the 2018 Grammys and convince 56 percent of his fans to vote for Trump in 2020.
Gucci Mane — East-er Atlanta Bunny
Gucci’s streak continues, as he’s slated to release his 12th album of 2017, East-er Atlanta Bunny, on April 16. This one will be pretty good, but Gucci albums 1-12 (and 13-24) of 2017 will be mostly collaborations with V-Nasty, trying to revive her career and simultaneously make up for Best of Both Worlds 3.
Nas — Nas Album
We’ve known since summer 2016 that Nas’ long-awaited 11th album, Nas Album, is done. Expect it to drop unexpectedly at some point in August 2017. Your closest 43-year old friend will declare it album of the year by July.
Jay-Z — Magna Carta Holy Grail 2
Hov hasn’t pulled a Nas and told us his new album’s done yet, but fans have been exploding with excitement over the possibility of a fifth post-retirement LP. They may be in luck. Sources from Samsung claim that Magna Carta Holy Grail 2 could come at some point in 2017. When it does drop, it’s sure to blow up the charts. [This message paid for by Tidal and Sprint and Memphis Bleek’s IRA].
B.o.B. 182 (B.o.B. & Tom Delonge) — B.o.B. 182
B.o.B. tweeted around this time last year that he was still working on a rock album.
Well it’s 2017, the time is right, and B.o.B. has teamed up with Tom DeLonge and formed a super duo called B.o.B. 182. Their self-titled debut is led by the hit single “UFOs,” featuring Tila Tequila’s catchy chorus: “Can we pretend that airplanes in the flat sky are like UFOs? Cuz I could really use some press right now, press right now, press right now.” Three words: emo night, bruh.
Drake — Blow the Whistle
Drake plans to release his next playlist of karaoke covers “for free.”
Desiigner — Desiigner 2 (DS2)
Desiigner is a New York based rapper who draws all of his inspiration from the film Wild Style, his love of chopped cheese bodega sandwiches, listening to Yankees games on the radio, and the grittiness of the L Train. He has never listened to rappers from Atlanta, but has had many substantial relationships with ladies there, dating back to the days of Tag Team. He has never listened to Future, but we believe he is clearly the future of rap. #AlternativeFacts
J. Cole & Big Sean – Which One Is Which
Can’t wait to read the reviews about how this this time, J Cole and Big Sean have gotten soooo much better? Us neither. Why am I suddenly so sleepy while I’m typing thi…..
Kendrick Lamar – Electric Circus
Is it possible to give a record a 10.4 out of 10?
Banks & Steelz & Yoko Ono — Anything but This
Don’t act like this wouldn’t be an improvement on the last one.