Sixteen Bars, Sixteen Cars: On Action Bronson’s “The Chairman’s Intent”

Chris Daly takes a look at "The Chairman's Intent," the latest single from Action Bronson.
By    July 31, 2017

Chris Daly is searching for delicious.

With the likes of Netflix, Hulu and Amazon throwing around luscious and ludicrous contracts out to content providers for tomorrow’s next Stranger Things or Handmaiden’s Tale, there’s clearly a demand for high quality entertainment to feed the masses. Unfortunately, as shows like Iron Fist have demonstrated, some of those wells are already looking pretty dry. For the innumerable studio execs who read my words regularly and religiously, I humbly submit Action Bronson’s video for “The Chairman’s Intent,” the latest single for the upcoming Blue Chips 7000, as proof positive that somebody needs to hook Bonsolino up with a three picture deal immediately, if not sooner.

The Queens spitter is no stranger to fanciful videos, as his forays into “Coming to America” and “Easy Rider” fan films clearly attests. And yet, every time it appears the Fuck, That’s Delicious host has hit a new level of visual insanity, he somehow manages to take things to the next level with each ensuing project.

“The Chairman’s Intent,” for all practical purposes, is more short homage to bad 7’0s action/kung-fu flicks than your typical music video.  If nothing else, the song audio is constantly interrupted by sound effects as Bronson kicks ass, roughs up some toughs, and does the most impressive beard/bush wipe at the 54 second mark possibly ever committed to film. Face it, you know shit’s about to get real when the opening shot has Bronson uses a flying clothes line to knock some dude on a motorcycle on his ass.

Horribly choreographed fight scenes, auto-induced torture, hang gliding, and a luchador make up only a portion of the insanity that ensues, but I would be remiss if I didn’t point out that Action is operating on a whole new level of zen with his wig game here. Not since The Man with the Iron Fists has wiggery achieved such heights. Make no bones about it, this is unfiltered entertainment on pretty much every level.

Now, when Bronson is up there onstage, inevitably and invariably accepting his gold statue, I’m not asking to cash in, even though I’m clearly the one who started this the Kid Stays in the Picture movement. However, I fully expect dinner and a shout-out from the man himself at that year’s Oscars. That would be pretty fucking delicious, too.

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