October 11, 2012

Max Bell finds the revulsion invigorating.

Another year. Another BET awards. Another round of ciphers. I give you my thoughts off the top of the dome. But really though, off the top of the dome. Seriously, I didn’t write this, look at it, think about it, and then try to make it sound better or clever. Can you imagine how terrible it would be if I did? Exactly. 

“Grand Hustle” 


Trae Tha Truth –  We get it. You’ve been rapping a long time.

Chip – Rap game Craig David.

Iggy Azalea – “We’re not that into you.” So meta.

B.o.B – Congratulations. You now carry Grand Hustle financially and lyrically.

T.I. – It’s your record label, trouble man. It’s yours.

“The True School”

Jean Grae – She came back on the fourth hit.

Sarkodie – They do it every year. Don’t you know I can’t read that fast?

Ab Soul – Giving the people what they want. Rap game Haile Selassie.

Talib Kweli – The day Frank Ocean goes to Chik-Fil-A is the day your next single makes it to the Billboard Top 40.

“The Raw”

JayBird the Purdi Boy –  His name is JayBird the Purdi Boy

Hopsin – Really, they didn’t invite you? Panorama City is scarier than your eyes.

Schoolboy Q – Yes. We know when Kendrick’s album drops. You can still spit though.

Mac Miller – It’s a like/hate thing. So right now, I like Miller and models wearing Iverson’s.

Mystikal – Rap game Redd Foxx.

“Iron Mic”

RZA – We were already going to see your movie. But bong bong.

Angel Haze –  If I choose to believe that you are ‘not real,’ then you aren’t. That’s from some school of philosophy, I think. Either way, knowledge dropped.

Joey BadA$$ –  He might get there.

Drilky Graham – Self-promo t-shirt swag. His name seems like an amalgamation of the various monikers belonging to that Drake guy.

Childish Gambino – Sometimes.

A$AP Rocky – Only the “pretty motherfucker” would diss everyone in the cipher.

“The West Coast” 

Xzibit – Hennessy needs to pay this man already.

YG – Bars for the ratchets.

Kurupt –  That chair can’t hold him.

E-40 – Apparently he has been a White House consultant since 2009.

DJ Quik – It’s fair to say he’s the best rapper/producer of all time from the left coast.

Kendrick Lamar – So we all agree that October 22 could very well become a national holiday, right?

Snoop Dogg – The lion hasn’t lost it. And he still knows his left from his right.

“Ruff Ryders”

Murda Mook – He will be handing out ballots on November 6.

Cassidy – I already use your old CDs for fertilizer.

Eve – Please come back.

DMX – The FCC can’t hold the dog. Grrrr. Bark. Grrr.