Cavanaugh Takeover: Things I’d Rather Not be Asked About Again

Stop asking the same damn questions.
By    December 1, 2015

 

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Open Mike Eagle and Serengeti are Cavanaugh. Buy their album here

1. ‘Hey, could you ask Hannibal Buress to (perform in my basement/ raise my children/ have sex with my spouse)?

Don’t let the asymmetrical haircut fool you. My confidence ain’t held together by much.

So that email you’re drafting in your head where you’re asking me to ask Hannibal how much it would cost to have him appear at your engagement party? Please don’t. Please please don’t. Or the one where you’re asking me (ME!) to quote you a price on having him, me, Flying Lotus, and Dave Chappelle eat a sandwich with you next Tuesday. Please don’t send it. Three other people already sent it this week and I’ve gotten 4 every week for the last 3 years.

And what the fuck are you asking ME for anyway?

There’s a ton of logical reasons you should consider not asking me these stuffs. Stuff about how unlikely it is that I’d have any idea about the rates, availability, and interest level of people hella busier than me. I’d much rather focus your attention and your sympathies on my trifling-ass ego tho.

My eyes read: “yo you think hannibal might be down to play this show with you?”

My silly-ass ego reads: “yo, you know the only reason I’ve ever spoken to you is because you know ’real’ talented people and it’s time to end this charade and give me that Hannibal contact you ill-begotten, foul smelling hobo”

So don’t send that email. That email fucking sucks.

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2. “What happened with Hellfyre Club?”

It’s a record label. Nocando owns and operates it. The collective as we knew it is no more. It’s possible that one could feasibly still book a rap act called Hellfyre Club but it will not be myself, Busdriver, Nocando, and Milo. I’m still really close with all parties. The main conflict didn’t involve me so that part is not my story to tell. But that particular iteration of that idea is over. In my eyes, the collective ended back in march. We got booked for a tour and we fell apart. It was embarrassing.

So don’t ask me about it. It’s all right there.

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3. “Hey, how’d you get on that thing (tour, tv show, dumb internet list, etc)?’

Had to think long and hard about why this bugs me so much. It’s a question I got asked a lot when I went on my first tour, when I was signed to my first deal and it pops up around shit like being on WTF With Marc Maron. I think it bugs me because at its heart, I feel like it’s a person telling me that they don’t think merit brought me that opportunity.

My ears hear it as: “oh man, how’d you get on that show?”

My dummy dumb dumb ego hears it as “how’d a non-descript milquetoast bum like you trick these talented people into shining a light on your broke ass?”

So don’t ask me that. Not only is it a sneak diss, you really don’t even want to know the answer. 9 out of 10 times the answer is ‘I found out who to ask and figured out a way to make it seem beneficial to them over the course of a year.’

It’s very not sexy.

Listen to Cavanaugh’s Time and Materials here:

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